Heart of a Mortal (Loki Romance)

Chapter 22

TW: abortion talk. Note: I still monitor comments. Do NOT make unkind comments about real life choices.
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I woke up against the door with sharp pains in my back and dread coiling in my gut. I got up slowly, rubbing my back in a vain attempt to stop the pain. I dragged myself to the shower. The water was piping hot but still I felt chilled.

There was the cold hard truth of Loki's betrayal, of all that had changed and all he had done. And alongside it was the heartstopping fear, the knowledge that this wasn't over. Intermixed with it was a heavy dose of confusion.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to understand all that was going on but I had to try, at least for my own sanity. Loki had sworn himself to the very presence he was afraid of. Apparently I was collateral, in case he didn't follow through. Had he ceded control to this new master, allowing him to take over his body at will? Or had Loki truly been so far gone that he believed everything he said last night? Had he been so mad with power that he tried to kill me for doubting him?

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself, trudging to the bedroom. I dried off and pulled my clothes on slowly, wrapping my hair in a towel and making my way to the kitchen. As if by habit, I looked around for Loki but then my thoughts caught up with my feelings again and I strove to push myself into a semblance of my routine.

It was all a little much but my theory seemed to be the only answer. He really was gone. The Loki I knew was as good as dead and I was left with a madman as the father of my child. The child I still hadn't decided to keep.

I ate some toast, feeling my stomach roll in protest at the thought of anything else. The bread tasted like ash in my mouth but I knew I needed something. I grabbed a banana, thinking that I was eating for two now and I would have to at least try for something substantial.

My phone rang. I almost decided to ignore it but then I remembered it was probably Doctor Castor. I picked it up. "Hello?" I croaked. I cleared my throat and rubbed my eyes.

"Hi, this is Doctor Castor from-"

"Hi." I closed my eyes.

"Ebony?" She said hesitantly.

I hummed. "I'm guessing it was positive."

She paused for a long moment. "Yes. I'd like to see you again so we can discuss options and plans."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. Okay. I um..." I made a split second decision, desperate for some form of familiarity to ground me. I wasn't staying here. "I'm visiting family for a few days so can I set up an appointment when I come back?"

"Of course! Just call my office and we'll set a date."

"Thanks." I said a choked goodbye and hung up, staring at my half eaten banana with distaste. I tossed it in the bin.

There would be no routine. Sanity and stability and familiarity was gone and I could not return to it. I couldn't go to the trail again. I knew I would only sit and dwell on the past month. I could not return to the mountains for fear of memories that would overcome me. I had to start over. And to start over, I had to distance myself from what was ending. Had ended.

I grabbed my phone and called Liv, heading back to the bedroom to throw myself under the sheets.

"Hey, Eb!" I heard laughing on the other side and the loud voice of Samantha, probably telling another one of her crazy stories.

"Hey, what's up?" My voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. I cringed at the sound.

Her cheerful tone immediately fell away and I heard the laughing around her get quiet. "Eb, what's wrong?"