His Light, Her Darkness

Chapter 55: Realisation

"W-what?" I choke on my words.

Matteo's face hardens. "We are getting married." He repeats.

"No." I say. "I am not marrying you. Not in a million years."

He furrows his brows, clearly unhappy with my answer. "I wasn't asking. I was stating."

"And I am stating that I will not marry you." I retort.

Standing from the bed, a strange dizziness suddenly overcomes me and I scrunch my face in an attempt to make it go away. "Fuck." I whisper as a headache penetrates my skull.

Matteo ignores my moment of weakness and continues to pace up and down the small room. His shoes click against the wooden panelled floor like a metronome. His hair seems to be styled with gel and slick back only to have loose strands falling over his forehead. He looks tired, exhausted even.

I wonder if anyone ever gets any sleep around here.

"This is for the best." He says, and I can't tell if he's trying to convince himself or me. "I am doing this for you, Mia."

"No you're not." I say sternly. "You're doing this because you are selfish. You are doing this to punish me for Dante's death."

Matteo flinches at my words and stops his pacing. His eyes turn up towards me and he just stares for a solid few seconds. He looks pained, tortured. Is he thinking about Dante?

If I were him, I don't think I'd be able to face me. I killed his best friend, and yet he somehow can look me in the eyes, and strike fear into me.

"Dante isn't dead."

"What?" I question, taking a shaky step towards Matteo. "What?"

Matteo looks away from me, and runs his hands through his hair, messing up that perfect hairstyle. "He's alive, in a coma."

"He's alive." I say. "Alive."

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm jumping at Matteo and throwing hands. He turns around in shock, and I slap him straight across the face. The sound is satisfying and echoes through the room. I then push him with all my strength into the wall and punch his chest.

"You." I say, followed by another punch. "You made me think I killed a man." I kick him in the shin, and to my surprise, he doesn't fight back.

"I thought I had killed him. I thought I had left him for dead!" I yell. Hot tears fall down my face. Tears of pure rage and relief. "You... You are a monster--A horrible person." My face twists into one of disgust and I back away from him, shaking my head.

"I thought I deserved to die. You made me think that I was just as bad as you... Why?" I ask. "Are you happy knowing you did that to me? Are you?"

There isn't a word to describe everything I'm feeling. I want to scream and kick something. I want to release everything that has been building within me for the past few weeks. For a month, I thought I was a murderer.

I'm not a killer.

I'm just the same girl I've always been.

I let out a painful laugh.

No I'm not. After everything, after all of the things I've experienced, I know I can never leave this life. I am in it now, and I think it's time for me to grow some balls.

I need to stop thinking someone is going to come and save me. Dad isn't coming, and I am alone.

The only person who is going to help me, is me.

"No." Matteo says. "No, I'm not."

I didn't expect that.

"Then why?" I ask. "Explain, please."