At the Seams

Chapter 12: Day 2 - 12:28 am

Chapter 12: Day 2- 12:28 am

"Karn!"

Mary's voice jumps around the rock-strewn darkness, splitting into a dozen voices, a hundred, that all echo back sounding alarmed and desperate, with none of the authority for which she had striven. She ponders on the tendency for this cave, nothing but a glorified visualization of her own mind, to distort and magnify. Have I always done this to myself, Mary wonders, splintered myself and then dismissed the pieces? Nearly invisible in the torch’s flickering, Karn materializes before her.

"Did you enjoy your book, Mary?" Karn's voice is pleasant and vaguely curious.

Mary finds the question irrelevant, even obtuse, and ignores it. "Where am I, right now?"

"Why, you're in the most fascinating conceivable—or is it inconceivable?—place Mary," Karn says with unexpected animation, "the unrestricted human mind. This cave represents but the surface, Mary—"

"I meant my body. And you're supposed to be ancient and wise? Please."

Karn's almost wistful smile, growing as it had spoken, plummets into a cruel scowl. "Oh, Mary," it says in a voice swollen with disgusted pity, "you don't understand, yet. You will, I think, before you die—"

"This is the second time," she interrupts, "you’ve alluded to my death—"

"Why do you act surprised? Come, now, Mary, it's your doing. Why are you suddenly so afraid? You haven't been afraid of anything since you still toddled. You could barely walk, the first time you jumped into a swimming pool, and could barely run, the first time you climbed a tree. You braved militants and criminals all over the globe, in countries where simply being a woman can be a death sentence. You ruthlessly pursued Sam, who is years younger than you and well out of your league—"

"Sam loves me," Mary interrupts again, hating the petulance and self-loathing dripping from every word.

“It hardly matters if he does. What matters is your lack of fear. You’ve never feared death, even to die, I think. You have said death is the last great adventure. So, I ask again, why now? Why are you afraid to die today?"

Mary considers the question, thinks about her body back on Earth, a million miles and a breath away. “How can that corpse be my body? How, when this place is so solid?” She stamps her foot to emphasize her point. Her eyes thrash as she says, “I can’t even figure out what’s real anymore! How can I accept death when I can’t define life?”

"So, you're a control freak. I understand." Karn speaks indulgently now, but patiently. "Allow me to enlighten you. You have brain damage, Mary. That little knock to the head you suffered last night wasn't so little. You're a deep-fried zucchini, now, Mary. All your inputs work. None of your outputs do. Talk about sensory overload, huh? Huh? And for a control freak like you, hoo-boy, what a dilly! Now, does an explanation of your new state of affairs make you feel better?"

Mary glares at the pleasantly smiling mouth and wishes for a cheek to slap. “No, I don't feel better, but you made sure of that, didn't you?"

"And yet, you like me," Karn says with a small smile.

Mary squirms. She doesn’t try to refute Karn, suspects she would be incapable even of convincing herself. She sidesteps. "Does anyone know I'm in here?"

"Are you in here?" Karn asks casually.

Mary considers, instantly lost in the question. Her instinct is to shout, "Yes, of course I am in here," but her conviction falters. She manages a weak, "Yes?"

"You know Mary, an entire school of philosophy devotes itself to the idea that nothing exists until you or I perceive it." Karn pauses to chortle a little. "Well, not I, so much, since I am hardly subject to the limitations of human perception. Anyway, assuming these philosophers are correct, and no one out there on Earth can perceive you, do you exist? I ask again, are you in here?"