this... idk

#1 ; last words

19:18

I gazed towards the man sitting beside me.

It was cold and silent. Only the sound of him chewing those potato chips and chugging his beer can be heard. The air was different. The sky was different. Everything felt like harsh reality.

"Ano? Kakain ka na lang? Giniginaw na talaga 'ko dito."

Silence.

I sighed.

"You wanna forget about it kaya mo ako inaya lumabas, am I right?"

He stopped eating.

"Are you seriously just going to leave him like that? Bakit 'di ka na lang sumama sa Japan?"

Tears started to form in his jade-colored eyes, but his mouth forced a smile.

"Ikaw ba? Kung nakikita mo na nahihirapan yung taong nagbigay ng pag-asa sayo dahil sa klase ng buhay na meron ka, gugustuhin mo pa rin bang dumikit nang dumikit sa kanya?"

"If I told you how much I wanted to keep him in my arms, I bet you'll be on your knees, crying."

He stared at the empty bottle of beer. Few minutes later, he reached for another bottle and started drinking again.

"You know I love you, right?"

...

"You deserve more than that. You deserve to feel happiness after everything you've been through. I won't cry. If my home is in bliss, I won't be showing even a single drop of tear, Ash."

"Stop calling me Ash. That's your name too."

Everything became different. If I was in this situation a year from now, my heart probably won't be able to take anything that he said.

I want to cry.

"Panira ka ng atmosphere."

"Love... can really be bad for people, don't you think?"

"Ako pa tinanong mo?"

"... Sorry."

"Baliw, joke lang."

It surely can.

"I know he'll be happier without me. Without getting involved in my fucked up life. As long as he's safe..." He paused as his voiced cracked. "...As long as my world is safe, I... I'll be fine."

"I can't take seeing you like this, though."

He laughed.

"I'm a bit fine right now. Maybe because of the beer."

"I'm not that dumb, you little shit."

We both laughed.

"My soul is always with him."

Mine will always be with you, too.

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🍌🐟