Falling into Hope [GxG]

Chapter 11

I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door. I roll myself out of bed and walk over to my door like a zombie. I open the door to find my parents.

"Hey, can you come to our office really quick?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm just going to let Hope know where I am." I walked back over to Hope. I leaned down and gently shook her till she was somewhat awake.

"Hey, my parents want to talk to me in their office. I'll be back afterward. If you'd like, you can head downstairs and get breakfast or stay here and sleep a bit more. If you need me, just turn left down this hallway, and it's the first door on the right." She sleepily hummed and turned away from going back to sleep.

I knocked on my parents' office door.

"Come on in." They were both sitting next to each other, leaving a seat across from them. This seems like it's going to be a very uncomfortable conversation that I don't want to be a part of.

"Why does it seem like this is an intervention?" I felt myself grow a little nervous. My mom just gives a small, sad smile while my dad remains more stoic.

"Well, sweetie, it kind of is. You hanging out with Hope has brought a lightness to you again, but we can still see you aren't fully happy. We want you to find happiness within yourself again. We both think it's time you go to therapy." My mom finished her speech with the one word that I can't stand to hear. I don't want to go to therapy; I don't want to talk about what happened. It just makes me relive the wreck over again, and I already relive it enough every day.

"I don't want to go to therapy. I don't want to talk about it." I stood up, feeling very upset. I could feel the angry tears make their way down my face.

"You don't understand what it's like to relive one of the worst moments in your life involuntarily. I watched her die right beside me. I was there when she took her last breath. Why would I want to go talk to someone and force myself to relive that voluntarily, when everywhere I look, I see her. I only see her smile for a brief moment, until my mind snaps me to where I see her lifeless body. I can't do it. It hurts so bad." I look back over to them, their faces blurring because of my tears.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired." I whispered out. I turned away from my parents' sad expressions and made my way back to my room.

Hope was sitting up in my bed on her phone when I got back to my room. Once she saw me, her face grew concerned. She closed the distance between us so quickly; I barely registered; she even got off the bed. Once she wrapped her arms around me, I just broke down crying. I'm in so much pain. Everything is a bandaid. All these adventures, smiles, and laughs. All these small moments of happiness only distract me from the pain temporarily. There's no permanent fix for this darkness growing rampantly through me.

It's like cancer spreading rapidly through my body. The part of me that wants to live is almost completely defeated.

"I can't do this, Hope. It hurts so bad. I can't breathe. I don't want to breathe anymore. I just want this pain to stop. Make it stop, please." I cried out, barely able to catch my breath. She just held me tighter.

"It's okay. I'm right here. You aren't alone. We're going to get through this together." I shook my head at what she's saying.

"You're wrong. I can't get through this. No matter if you're here or not. You can't fight my demons for me, and I'm so tired I'm not even trying to stop them. I don't want to stop them." My tears were coming to a slow stop. My body feels like dead weight.

"I may not be able to fight them for you, but I can be by your side, encouraging you while you do. I can give you some strength when yours is depleted. You don't have to do this all alone. Recovery isn't something you do alone. That's the quickest way to fail, by keeping yourself from asking for help." I was about to respond before she cut me off again.