Story Parodies

Jekyll and Hyde

There was once a scientist named Henry Jekyll. His father was in the hospital, so he made a morality potion for some reason.
"I'm going to separate my good and bad sides and eradicate the bad half! What could possibly go wrong?" He drank the potion and transformed into a bratty, rude teenage boy.
"Oh yeah! I'm young," the boy shouted. He didn't even have to think of a name for himself because the narrator did it for him, the lazy bum. This lad's name is Edward Hyde.
"Dude, just call me Eddy," Edward interrupted the narrator. You're supposed to be formal with me, young man.
"You're not the boss of me, narrator guy," the pubescent boy screeched. Say, how can you hear me?
"I have, like, these voices in my head. The other voices are telling me to go get hammered. Later, man!" Oh no. Henry, get out here and discipline your son.
He reverts back to being the kind, polite Dr. Jekyll. "Why didn't it work?! Did I mess up the formula?! I don't feel any different!!" Thank goodness Henry's back!
But then the kid reappeared. Stupid kid. "I heard that! You wanna go?!" This boy tries to shout at me. What a fool. "And your juice stuff made me," he nonchalantly explained to his father-self. This noticeably shocked the 52-year-old man.
"I have a son?!"
"Yeah, I guess. Now I'm going to the club," he tried to saunter away.
"Oh no you don't, young man! Go to your lobe!" Yes! Way to go, Henry!
"But Daaaaaad-"
"No buts! The club is bad for children!"
"But I'm not a little kid!"
"Yes you are! You were born today!"
"That's not fair! You'd be able to go!"
"I'm 52! I don't want to see those newfangled lightshows! I wasn't even popular in high school anyway! Besides, you're only a few minutes old."
"Fine," Hyde whined, "I'll just have to take yOU WITH ME!" He pushed Jekyll out of consciousness and took over the body. By now, Edward was already dressed to go out. That spoiled, ungrateful brat. I'm sure you've caught on, but I utterly loathe this child. "Shut up, you." Well, I never! So rude, child! "Whatever! I'm going out."
When Edward finally got to the rusted, raunchy building, he was already tired, but he didn't just lie down on the spot for once. Good for him! Whoop-dee-doo! He kept going strong. He never wanted this night to end. That is, of course, until another person spilled their fizzy pop all over his shirt. Edward grabbed the mysterious fizzy pop man by the sleeve and dragged him outside into the alleyway. Edward slammed this strange man to the ground, stood up, pulled out a knife, and started singing in his awful pubescent voice.
"WhAt iS tHiS fEeLiNg oF pOwER aNd DrIVe~!" He would not stop singing and get on with committing his planned atrocity. This not only confused his would-be victim to no end, but it also gave him an opening to simply walk away and never speak of this again.
"Hey! You're letting him get away," Edward barked at me after finishing his off-everything song. I'm a narrator, not a murder accomplice. "Well why can't you go get him?!" I physically can't. I'm a figment of your imagination. What the heck is wrong with you? "I don't know, but I'm seeing ghosts. There's a pretty lady ghost glaring at me right now." What the bloody heck are you staring... Wait, you think I'm pretty? How you've made a girl blush!
"Wait, you're a girl?!" Yes. Is there a problem with that? "No, you're still pretty hot." Oh no. Not this. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" Ugh. Stop. Right now, please. "Do you like pizza? 'Cause I want a pizza dat booty!" You repulse me, you sack of wine. I don't even know what 'pizza' is...
"Are you homework? 'Cause-" SHUT UP! I was created from your frontal lobe! Have you lost your mind?! "I don't need my mind when I have you~!" Very well then. I'll have to hope an ending conveniently waltzes over here.
Along walks a police officer, sent by the mysterious fizzy pop man who reported the attempted-but-not-really-attempted murder. The officer notices Hyde flirting with the air and flinching awkwardly as if being slapped. Hyde matches fizzy pop's description of the psychopathic instigator. Therefore, the policeman confronted Hyde.
"What are you doing out here so late at night," the cop questioned.
"I was flirting with this girl here," Hyde gestured to nothing. "Go find your own. I saw her first." Oh for the love of God, Edward! You're the only one who can see me! And I am not, nor will I ever be yours! I never agreed to your disgusting behavior!
"Right.... Why don't you walk in a straight line for me," the officer obviously thought Edward was intoxicated.
Edward complied and easily walked in a perfectly straight line.
"Impressive," the officer mused, "Come with me. I know a place you can stay for a loooong time."
"Really?" Edward acted like he needed shelter so the officer didn't find out that his birth was a lab accident.
"Sure. Just follow me there. The rooms are very soft and squishy"
"Ooh, that sounds like fun~," Hyde giggled. He really has no idea what's going on. Bloody git.
So the officer led Edward down the street to the asylum, to which Edward was too lazy to read the sign. Once they were inside, Edward felt a needle inject into him and he blacked out.
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When Edward woke up, he resided in one of the soft rooms, restrained by a straightjacket. A muzzle obscured the lower half of his face so he couldn't harshly bite anyone. All he could do was talk to himself.
"Oh Miss Narrator~! Come out please~!" Yes? Why have you summoned me? "Tell me. What is your name, girl~?" I never really had a name, but I quite like the name Alice. "Alice... Such a pretty name for such an oBNOXIOUS GIRL!" And now you're back to hating me. At least you're not using those dreadful pick-up lines... "They're better than anything YOU could come up with!" I'd doubt it. I rejected you, after all.
"Then prove you're better than me!" Fine. I will. Are you a pomegranate? Because- "Okay. I get the joke. You're good at this." I was going to say 'because you represent death but cannot actually kill anyone' but alright. "Wait. You were referencing Greek mythology?" Wait. You've read books?
"Nevermind that now," Edward paused. "If we're stuck here together and we're not really related, does that mean we're doomed to form a relationship?!" Hyde panicked. Oh dear lord, no! I'm not staying here for that! "Wait!! Even though you insult me all the time, you're still the nicest voice I hear!! You're the only one that cares even a little bit! You're my last shred of sanity!! PLEASE DON'T GO!! I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT!!!" The begging is new. Fine, I'll stay only because I pity you, pathetic dolt. "YES!!! I'd hug you, but the straightjacket's in the way." You wouldn't be able to anyway. I'm not real. Your arms would pass through me and you'd hug yourself. "Oh, right." He should know this full well. I'm translucent, you know.
And so, Dr. Jekyll stayed in his lobe out of shame at his son, Jekyll's father was forgotten about entirely, and I think Jekyll had a friend who was never important to begin with.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~