Letters Never Sent

I don't hate you..

I am just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be. You're the last person I expected to change this significantly. It felt like I was looking into the eyes of a person that I just met minutes ago, I can't see the fragment of the one that I knew from way back. Your face is the same with the one that was close to me, yet your eyes say a different story. Gone was the warmth, everything was replaced with guilt, regret, and apologies.

It never should've gotten to this point, you know. You knew what you did and the consequences that came with it but you still did it. Don't feed me with the bullshit that you were just a victim of the circumstance and was unaware of the storm that you brewed. You're old enough to lie and to commit sins, be mature enough to own up to it. That's on you, stop gaslighting everyone around you that we are the ones who've sinned and news flash— your apologies without change is just plain old manipulation. It surprises me that you didn't feel ashamed.

Why don't you try to change for real and stop saying "sorry" just because you got caught? The more that you repeat it, the lesser your sincerity seemed. We can't all just coddle and tolerate your bullshit because we have a heart bigger than our bodies, we also get tired too.

I trusted you and it was unusual for me to trust another person because I've been plagued with disappointments from other people since the day that I started to understand what was said and what was promised yet broken. Trust issues are my defense mechanism, yet I gave you the benefit of the doubt through and through because you're the last person that I would suspect of doing the things you did. I'm afraid what has happened made my doubts double— even triple in size.

I'm just tired and I think it will take me a long time to recover from this. I hope you find it in you to change not because we're pressuring you or convincing you. Do it for yourself because I pity you, I feel that the unresolved issues you have weren't with other people, it's inside of you. All of us are still young, let's use this as leverage to be more open to change and improvement, not blame our sins to our youth.

Who knows, we might even forgive you if we actually see that you've changed for the better. For now, let's just try to at least be civil, I also can't promise that you won't hear a piece of my mind every now and then but know that it would only hurt because it's true. Change is what we expect, not a better façade.

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