Just stop (on hold)

Preview

Izuku couldn't stand it.

It was past midnight. He needed to go to sleep. He has school tomorrow. He had to do well. But he couldn't stand it all.

He sat on his bed, clutching his head, desperately trying to hold on to his sense of self with this tornado in his head destroying his brain.

He wanted to cut. He wanted to kill himself. He couldn't. People would be worried about him. He couldn't kill himself, people would miss him.

He couldn't tell anyone. They'd be worried and his mom would blame herself and he couldn't let that happen.

He couldn't he couldn't he couldn't.

He wanted to scream but he couldent, his mom would hear

she couldn't know she couldn't know she couldn't know.

No one could know.

He was losing his mine. They were losing their mind. She was losing her mind.

"Stop, please," Izuku whispered "stop stop stop stop stop stop"

Izuku sobbed as quietly as he could. He couldn't hold it in anymore but no one could know.

If they knew they'd try to help and they might even give him hope and it would hurt too much.

And they'd worry and they cant worry he has to protect them.

Cut yourself cut yourself cut cut cut c u t

He wanted to cut but he had to think about his mom and he couldn't break her heart like that.

He wanted to take a blade and run it along his wrists so deep there was no chance of saving him and watch himself bleed out.

He wanted to hang himself, to feel his neck snap and die.

He wanted to shoot himself, put the gun in his mouth or to his head and pull the trigger.

He wanted to look in the mirror, see his hated face, and slit his throat.

He wanted he wanted he wanted he couldn't he couldn't he couldn't.

He had to have hope for everyone and he did but it meant he had to pretend to have hope for himself and he didn't and it made him nauseous to pretend he did.

Everyone liked him but they weren't supposed to they were supposed to hate him, despise him, treat him like less than dirt, but they didn't.

He wanted to be mean, to hurt himself by causing their pain and knowing that it was his fault. But he couldn't hurt them.

The want was just another way he was selfish.

Always so selfish, like he deserved it, he hated it. He was so goddamn selfish.

He felt like there was a hurricane of broken glass tearing apart his insides and he wanted to tear up his outsides to match.

He couldn't he couldn't he couldn't.

why

why can't i give up and die...

I want to but i can't....