They Still Lurk(ongoing)

Chapter 1

"Blair!" I hear her shout through her lungs. Which was odd, but answering her would be horrible than getting there myself, controlling my tongue from criticising my mother has come to be real hard these days. So alternatively, I trudged down the stairs still wiping at my eyes. Tying my hair up in a messy bun, I sat opposite to her on the small rectangle table.

"Seriously Blair?" She continued," you have only an hour and half for your graduation and here you are all messy and.. is that alcohol I smell?" She said in a tone of annoyance.

"Why do you even care?" I say more to myself than her, she never cares, never did, this whole graduation thing has her full attention and I can't think of a reason why. So instead of replying my mother yet again, I just let out a groan.

She lets out a sigh and continues to ramble, while I zone out and look at her features, my mother was in her mid-forties but still had that glow, her sharp blue eyes, plump but wrinkled lips and a little nose, 'she looks beautiful' I think to myself, "not beautiful enough to care for you" a voice quips, none other than same  old subconscious.

"Are you even listening?!" My mother yells, jerking me away from my own ramble with my subconscious, I feel something touching my skin and look down to find my mother's hand on mine, her darker complexion on my paler one. Pulling away from her reassuring grip I place both my hands under the table and rub on the burning spot she held. Ofcourse it burns, it always does.

Collecting a large amount of air, I spoke,"It's just graduation and I'm gonna be alright, I have already pre-applied for colleges, and am pretty sure I'll get into Denver, thanks to your hard work and the money father left, and my good knowledge in literature, so you have nothing to worry, I'll be ready in a bit and leave for graduation" I finish altogether reserving back in silence for her response.

She lets out that frustrated sigh, again. "Look, I know you don't want to use your dad's money, but I have nothing more so-" but she never got to finish, cause I interrupted.

"My father..." I emphasize the word, "Left me money for my education and I'm in no way accusing that, as long as I can survive I don't think it matters and you have had a share in taking care of my life, you fed me for all I know, so don't put yourself in this situation, and I can take care of myself, I'm eighteen for god's sake!" I half shout and continue in a calmer voice, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a graduation to dress up to"

With that I leave my mother who appears to be shocked with her mouth half-open, she should be cause it's been years since we even talked and she must've thought a conversation would go easy, and man how wrong she was.

With only forty five minutes left, I take a quick shower and pull on a faded pair of blue jeans and a black sweatshirt, yes the usual cold blair in her odd outfit, cause I never really meant when I said dress up, I never dress up.

Putting on slight makeup to cover the black bags under my eyes, I brush out my black locks of thick chest length hair and grab my bag, with one last look at my reflection, I turn around and face the picture, her picture on my bed-side table. I pick up the square frame and brush across the glass with my fingers and whisper, "It's going to be alright you said... you'll forget and move on you said" I pause, "Guess what? It isn't and I never did"

I sigh and place the frame back in its space,turn around adjusting my bag and skip downstairs. Relieved that my mother left I gulp down a glass of orange juice, grab my keys and head out.

Through the whole drive, I try to stay calm, I wasn't nervous or excited for graduation. Anxiety took over me, reminding me about how in a few weeks time I had start college in Colorado, a state away from my mother here in Oklahoma. And yes, I had already got in Denver University, but I'm not telling mother anytime soon. Moving away is a big deal, not that I have someone I'll miss here. Moving away meant everything was going to be new and new meant unknown and unknown meant danger. So every step I take have to be cautious, every move I make should go unnoticed.

Looking into the rearview mirror I notice I had gone paler than usual, I took over my father's features and look nothing like my mother, she had blue dreamy eyes and I possessed cold grey orbs, her slightly darker complexion had nothing to do with my pale gaunt one. She was a blonde and I was raven-haired. She had a oval but beautiful face, I had a sharp jawline and a high forehead which I covered with bangs.

I never really cared how I looked until one day while cleaning shelves, I found a picture of a young man in a suit, he matched my features, directing he's my father, I tore the thin card apart, burned and threw the ashes into a hole in the backyard when I was eleven years old. After all, he left when I was two and never came back, and the only other thing I know about him was that he was an English man and I share his last name.

Shaking my head in frustration, I park my wagon march through the front gates, reach the convocation room and scurry backstage, grabbing my graduation gown and cap I shuffle through the loud room full of excited students and find an empty corner, pulling on the dumb gown and cap.

I scan the room and find that not one student in jeans, everyone had a dress on, showing off their shaved long legs and low-cut neckline, wearing slender heels and whatnot, I on the other hand had my comfortable converse shoes on. Feeling myself get bored, I scroll through my social media, and like a few posts.

"You're blair right?" A voice questioned, startled I look up and find the principal herself looking at me through her glasses. Pushing myself off the wall I reply,"Yes ma'am?" I ask politely. "I had a call from Denver that you're in, is that right?" She quipped. "It is" I reply shortly. "Well, Congratulations, they said they're expecting you and that you're scores were impressive". I nodded a thanks. With that she turned around and walked away, her heels clicking in rhythm.

Realising I had a few eyes and whispers in my direction, I plugged in my earphones and played music in full volume draining the voices around.

Nearly 20 minutes later, the loud, squeaky voiced girl in front of me was called out to receive her roll of paper. "Blair Colton!" Mr.Bates called out. I walked on stage through a row of applause from the crowd, received my graduation. Went backstage, removed the gown and cap, stuffed the paper roll into my bag and left to the park space not waiting for the after party or the group photos. I had more important things to do, more important decisions to make, and most importantly tell my mother about Denver University.

__________________

Nearly three and half weeks post graduation, I stand in the middle of my littered bedroom, the walls lined up with muddy-coloured, hand written cardboard boxes, nearly twenty of them. I mostly had unwanted stuff, cause I wasn't a 'get rid of 'em" kinda girl.

You can't take all of these to college. You realise that right? I say to myself. We were only allowed a maximum amount of luggage from home and as we're supposed to share rooms, I'm sure there's no way I'm taking everything.

I definitely have to leave everything behind, 'To leave everything behind' is a really funny statement, I've never done that, I always carried the past pain and demons in my heart, cause they help me everytime history repeats, everytime time forgiveness proves me absolutely wrong, a slap to the face.

According to me, there is never a second chance to anything, there's barely a first chance and I've been watchful enough to never let that happen.

Sighing, I carry one of the cardboard boxes I was was planning on taking with me to college and sat it on my bed, I picked up the wooden frame from inside it and looked at her beautiful glad face, the only evident memory I hold of her, the only person I ever truly adored and loved.

"Funny how I trusted you and your every word, but everything occurred the other way, nevertheless you will be the last person I trust...  And that's gotta be your flex!" I talk slowly but out loud, not to her picture, not to the empty walls around, but to myself.

Get a grip blair! Don't get stupid emotions get the best of you. I scolded myself inwardly.

As I contemplated, mother wasn't impressed at all, with me leaving to Colorado. Yes, 'wasn't' as in past tense, cause I reasoned enough with her to get it through her head that I was legally an adult, and that she could do nothing about it.

Eventually, she gave in and only said and I quote, "I am happy for you Blair, but a bit worried too".

Since when was Theresa Colton worried for me or about me, for that matter? I shake my head on that awkward memory, put the frame back inside the box and continue taping the other boxes.

The loud ring of the doorbell stop me in my tracks.