Lila's Secret

Lila's Secret- CHAPTER THREE

LILA'S SECRET-CHAPTER THREE

"Say something, anything." The hurt on his face makes my heart crack. Eros has never hurt me, at least not in the way I'm doing now. I know he's fighting himself from snapping and going all out but there's no way for me to be honest without stabbing myself in the process. Tears fall from my eyes and I sniffle trying to stay together for my sake. I need to leave.

"You would never understand why I do what I do Eros." He scoffs at my vague response and gives me an unbelieving glare. This is all a joke to him. If I could say it I would!

No one has been hurt more than me and I've already compromised too much being here with them. Vallis has long stopped his torment from the minute Eros broke his resolve. The tension in the room is suffocating at best. I shake my head and avoid both their gazes.

"Please let me up."The seriousness of this conversation is clear enough from my begging.  He relents and pulls the buckles holding me down. I sit slowly. The blood rushes back and I feel a little loopy. I rub my wrists and wipe away the tears with my palms.  They both come around me and words are the last things to be murmured. Instead, Vallis'  head drops to the junction of my neck. I blink away the tears and look on. The only tears in this room are for pleasure but now it's anything but.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you guys, I just need some space please." The dark memories swarm me whole and I break down into a pool of tears.
That stupid swing pops into my head and I shake away the bad thoughts and start rocking myself. It gives my body something to do other than shut down.

"Do you love us?" I can't answer that and he knows. The past eleven months have been a whirlwind of emotions and new experiences. I've never had that with anyone but them and it was enough for me to give them that piece of me but they keep wanting more and more and more. What will I be left with when they're done and decide they want better? I can't lose myself to please anyone else. I did that once and got my heart broken and stepped on, it won't happen again.

"What does love mean to you Eros?" It's important really. People give you one side of themselves and the minute you let your guard down they destroy you and nothing is left but an empty shell and thoughts of how better off the world would be without you in it

"It means being there for your partners as long as it takes, to protect them when they need it and always have their best interest at heart. I know Vallis and I love you but do you feel the same Lila?" Being there for them would mean leaving behind a part of me that I got to love. What kind of person would I be without my fight. I have them eleven months, that's longer than I can even say for myself. Lila Summers has always put people before her, I always take care of people and nothing good ever comes out of it. You could dedicate your entire life to one person and in the end they scavenge for 'better' and ask you if they begged you to stay, to be there for them when they needed it or have their best interest at heart.

It's time I think of myself.

"No Eros,  I don't. That would mean giving up everything I've built this far and you are not worth losing myself over." He nods. Nothing leaves his mouth. Eros isn't the quiet one as hard as it is to believe. He talks a lot and there's nothing he minces to make anyone feel better. I think I hurt him but it's what I'm good at.

"And just what have you built Lila? A home? It's ours. A family? You fuck for food and shelter everything you have belongs to us! I'm not worth losing yourself over? You're nothing without us" his voice shakes me just as harshly as the revelation of what he thinks I am.

All this time I thought maybe he genuinely cared and this is what he says. I don't feel bad, in fact it settles any remaining feelings I had undecided on. I'm a whore who fucks for food and shelter who has no value outside of a good time. Instead of crying like he probably expects, I smile.

"You just proved me right Eros Kostas. Why would I waste my life on someone who thinks I'm just a whore who fucks for food and shelter." I push Vallis away and slide off the open end of the table, "Since we're just  handing out titles let me give you one you deserve: Pedophile, rapist, scum of the earth. What 35 year old man scoops up a little 17 year old and takes her to his house to tag team her with his brother. Everything you hate is what you are." I know I hit a nerve from the way his fist clenched and eyes narrow.

Vallis looks between not wanting to choose. I know he feels torn but it's not that hard really. The whore or your blood. I'll make it easy for everyone.

"I want to leave." Vallis turns his head to me. His face is blank safe for the tears gathered in his eyes. I would think it was a figment of my imagination if it weren't for the pearl shaped tear cascading down his beautiful face.

"You don't mean that." Vallis says. He comes closer,holding my hands in his rubbing them along his cheeks in affirmation that I was still here.

"Eros say something!" I shake my head at him and rub his cheek.

"That's what she wants. She chose." He sounds victorious in his conclusion.

You always have a choice Lila.  He wins. As always he wins but this prize isn't something you'd want to bargain for.