The Way We Talk

Doubt (Talkative #8)

By this point in her life, Felicity has been working with Oliver long enough that she knows what mood he's in simply by the sound of his footsteps on the stairs.  Generally, he's pretty quiet, but she's learned to listen carefully so that she can sound the alarm if necessary.  Oliver's a bit of a loose cannon emotionally, so it's always better when she knows exactly what contingency plan to prepare.  It's even more important tonight, since she's the only one in the lair, and, the last time they were together there alone, well... things got a little awkward because of the almost-kiss.

On the day in question, she feels the dread threaten to overtake her as she hears the clomp clomp clomp of his boots on the stairs.  That's the worst sign of all in her opinion; when he's making noise, it's because he's too angry to think about anything else, and the last place Felicity wants to be is in a soundproof room with an angry, armed Oliver Queen still on an adrenalin rush from a mission.  She vaguely thinks about scurrying into the bathroom and changing area they had added in the basement level, but she realizes that the best way to get him calm again is to let him rant.  So, she turns in her chair and braces herself for the oncoming storm.

His expression is a thundercloud when he reaches her, the set of his jaw absolutely tense.  He opens his mouth to speak as soon as his eyes meet hers, but she's faster on the draw—in this one aspect, at least.  "Before you start yelling," she starts, her voice an octave higher than usual, her words tripping over one another, "put the bow down.  Are you injured?"

It does nothing to dissipate his anger, but he does as she asks.  "No," he snaps tersely.  "But I am wondering why my sister could possibly know that you work with the Vigilante."  He stands there, towering over her, glaring.  Vaguely, she thinks about that saying, If looks could kill...  Despite how mad he is, though, he says to her, "Explain, please."

Felicity surprises him when she rises from her chair, and surprises herself when she realizes the anger running through her at the question.  It never ends well when they're both angry, but that doesn't stop her from yelling at him, "How dare you suggest that I told anyone about this!  I've been working with you for a year now, Oliver!  One year of my life I've given to this little crusade of yours—and a whole lot of blood, sweat, tears, and illegal hacking.  You brought me into this because you trusted me!  I know you don't trust easily—do you really think I would betray that?!  Not to mention, I know that the last thing you want is Thea involved in this!"  The eruption of anger suddenly cools, freezing over instantly.  "I do this every night because I trust you.  My intel has saved your life more than once, and I haven't told a soul about what we do here.  I would have thought that would earn me a little trust, too."

For a moment, Oliver looks completely stunned.  He opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it before repeating the process several times.  "Felicity," he says finally, his tone a lot less angry this time, "I do trust you."  He puts a hand on her shoulder as he gives her one of those intense, searching looks.  There's a ridiculously long pause before finally drops his hand and continues, "I wasn't accusing you of telling Thea.  I was asking you to explain how she made the connection."

Felicity has the decency to feel sheepish, her face coloring in her embarrassment.  "I'm sorry," she says abruptly, before moving into the information he wants to know, and she has no doubt he'll be mad at her about this.  "Remember a few weeks ago when someone almost got into the basement—they entered the keycode from a few days back?"  His eyes narrow as he draws the obvious conclusion.  "Well," she continues with an awkward laugh, "it was Thea.  I knew she was only looking out for you, so I... might have covered for her."

His expression morphs into something that resembles disbelief.  "You lied to me?" he almost whispers, and she's surprised by the amount of hurt in his voice.  He usually doesn't let things like that show through that carefully crafted mask.

The saying Between a rock and a hard place comes to mind.  Felicity draws a breath.  "I did not lie to you," she insists.  "In case you haven't noticed, I'm in a very difficult situation these days because I'm your friend—and Thea's.  I'm supposed to look out for you, but I also have to watch out for her best interests, too.  It wasn't a big deal—the sneaking in, I mean—and I told her that I wouldn't protect her the next time.  I thought she'd stop prying after that, but apparently not."  She sighs, putting a hand to her forehead.  "I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do anymore."  She doesn't tell him how she feels so helpless, so torn between two people that mean the world to her.

Oliver seems to understand anyway.  "You're right," he says finally.  "I should have thought about that before I confronted you like that."  She knows it's the closest thing she's going to get to an apology.  "She doesn't know that I'm involved with this?"

Felicity affirms the question with a shake of her head.  "No, she has no idea.  She asked me tonight who you were, so she clearly hasn't figured that out yet."

Oliver seems to think on that.  "What did you tell her—when she asked, I mean?"  It's completely innocent curiosity, of course, but Felicity knows that answering would reveal far too much on her part than his.  He doesn't like it when she hints at the idea that—God forbid—he might actually be heroic on occasion.  He seems to think that it's some sort of crime.

"I gave a vague answer," she responds finally in yet another vague answer.  She knows she should leave it there, but her mouth runs away with her instead.  "She called you a hero, though—did you notice that?  Hey, crazy thought, but Thea doesn't know who you are—well, who Arrow-you is—so she had absolutely no reason to lie to you tonight.  At the risk of being used for target practice, maybe you should start to realize that I might have just been right when I called you heroic."

She starts to turn away, back toward her chair, but he catches her wrist, and spins her back toward him.  Felicity likes to think that she knows more of his expressions than anyone, but the one on his face is absolutely unreadable because she's never seen it before.  It might be something like faith, trust, or possibly even hope.  After a long, emotionally-draining moment where he forces her to look into those intense blue eyes, he finally says, "I trust you with my life, Felicity.  I never want you to doubt that again."

And, before she process his sentence, he's in the changing area, leaving her to a battery of chaotic thoughts.