Crowns and Pastries

Chapter Thirteen | Pity Party For One, Please

~C~

Being apart from Ethan was harder than I imagined. I'd fallen hard for him, even though we'd only been official for a few days. I dreamt of him a lot since our date and even during the day he wasn't far from my mind. It was scary, knowing how hard I'd already fallen for him. It wouldn't be easy, we both knew that, but I was sure willing to try.

The way I felt about Ethan was different from my past boyfriends. My heart ached when I was away from him, butterflies erupted every time I saw him and my heart melted when I could picture him doing the small things that made him Ethan. The way the corner of his mouth turned upwards when he was talking about the things he was passionate about, how he subconsciously picked at his nails when he was nervous. When we talked on the phone, I could picture him doing these things. And it only made me fall harder because he was willing to share that part of him with me. The part of him that was private, unknown to the public. The real him.

I remember the first time I ever saw his face. Well, the first time I noticed his face. I'd seen him on tv before that but I was a kid back then, I had no clue about the royal family and I didn't really care for them. The moment I saw his face at that moment though, I was fascinated with him. At the time I wasn't aware of my sexuality but looking back, I had always been attracted to him.

I remember sneaking into my father's office to search him on the internet after seeing a clip of the royal family in school. I was completely fascinated with one picture in particular. It was Ethan at the age of eighteen dressed in a wetsuit. The photo was taken during their visit to Australia and he and prince Lukas had spent a day at the beach. There were a dozen photographs of them from that day but I remember printing that particular one out and hiding it away in my desk drawer.

That probably was the first step towards me realising my sexuality.

I never imagined I'd actually meet him. he'd always just been a thought in the back of my mind, like an imaginary friend. I didn't talk to him, or swoon over the picture or kiss his lips. It was just my secret. Something that only I knew about. But then I did meet him and he turned out to be everything I'd imagined and more.

He was handsome and even though it was obvious that he knew that, he acted like he didn't. I had heard the words people yelled at him, kind ones and some dirtier ones. Those comments made him blush like he wasn't used to the attention being on him.

He was passionate and caring in the way he acted towards the people and to his parents. He wanted to know a lot about the people he spoke to, he made sure to focus his attention on the person he was speaking to and nothing could get his attention if he didn't deem the conversation over.

It was something I loved about him. He put the needs and feelings of others above his, no matter the circumstances. I'd noticed that during one of our late-night calls. He'd had a bad day in physical therapy and yet all he wanted to talk about was my day, to make sure that I was okay. He probably wasn't used to someone asking for his feelings because he always seemed to dodge that kind of conversations.

I knew I'd have to show him that I cared about him and not about his status. I was willing to do that, I was willing to do a lot of things for him if he asked me to. Our relationship would be risky, we both knew that. If it were to come out it could ruin his place in the royal family, it could risk everything their family stands for. The consequences were a lot harder for him than they would be for me.

I don't think either of us was ready for that conversation though. I don't know if I'd ever be ready for it to be honest because he could realise that being with me was complicated. He could choose to end it, settle for something easier, with someone who wouldn't threaten his place on the throne. Because after princess Alexandra, it was he who was heir to the throne. And that was something I'd have to keep in mind.