Hierarchy (Book Four of the Torrent Skies Saga)

Chapter Seventeen: The Why And The How Of It, Pt 2

Moving back into the keep, the conversation shifted from the archway, but it did not leave her mind. Lodyne was silent, now. And that bothered Katerin, too. She listened half-heartedly to Dagir's conversation with Fykes and Brazen, but most of her energy was spent internally.

She felt as if Lodyne was leading her around by the neck. But she could not determine the angle, or the why. Everything seemed mundane, but helpfully so. Little snippets, clues, and questions. A finger pointing her in what felt like the right direction, in the moments they came. But Katerin remembered the look upon her mother's face every time she mentioned the goddess. She remembered Dagir's words, and her own hesitance.

She was beginning to question them. And herself. The help was invaluable. With the soldiers in Heath-Home, with Kryrial, and every other little thing. Without Lodyne, she would be in the dark or likely dead. While the thought made her uncomfortable, she was beginning to see how all of it would be impossible, without the goddess. Were the dreams, threats, and hallucinations the price she had to pay, to keep the world from falling apart? Was that such a terrible price?

A realization dawned, that Lodyne was the same goddess that drove Byron to torture her and Fykes, and back she went on the loop of worry, to the beginning again. She could handle the dreams. There was always an escape from them. But loosing Fykes was a nightmare of which she would never recover from.

Her fear guided her eyes to him, and he was relaxing in his chair, pipe in hand, boots on the table, listening to Dagir's tale of valor and some long ago battle. He saw no threat in Dagir. She should trust his judgment. Not the manipulative goddess in her dreams.

Just as she calmed, there was a whisper of thought in the back of her mind that told her Fykes would leave her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

She knew not if it was her own mind, or Lodyne's whispers.

Brazen subtly caught her attention and raised an eyebrow. He gestured his chin toward the door. "Katerin, will you go and see the ravens with me?"

Brazen's tone was an obvious facade, but Dagir waved. "You know where they are. Just keep your distance."

Exiting, Brazen strayed from the stairs to the raven towers, and looked to Katerin, instead. "You okay?"

"Of course," she said, trying a smile.

He snorted, "You bent your fork, and since we've come in, you've only nodded in response to questions. Haven't laughed at any of Dagir's jokes. Or Fykes'."

Katerin rubbed a hand over her face, pinching the bridge of her nose. "It's that bad?"

Brazen nodded, grimacing. "So, can I help?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, do you at least want to talk about it?"

"No," she admitted. She did not understand how to form her thoughts into words, even as they whirled around her head like ocean waves in a tempest. She could not simply say what she thought, and she found herself once again missing the old link between her and Brazen's thoughts. Then she would not have to explain. Words were so much more difficult to express. How could she say that she worried about choosing Lodyne over him and Fykes? How could she explain why it was a pull, and how much that terrified her.

Brazen waited in silence, let out a breath, and pulled her into a quick hug. "I know you worry too much. But it's all going to be okay, okay?"

Patting his back, she released her pent up breath. "I'll believe you," she said. And as he released her, she tried a smile.

"If they are using those arches for travel, I'm sure we'll have it figured out in no time, and..." Brazen's feet shifted, and he looked down the hall, "And just because Kryrial beat you alone, doesn't mean he can beat us together."