How to be Cool

Lesson #18: Always Kiss Him Goodnight

After the movie, my heart started pounding again as the credits rolled on the big screen. I hadn't been able to focus much anyways, but now I was freaking out on the inside. I really kissed him, didn't I? I actually did that. . . I was seriously freaking out. 

"Stiles, it's over," Derek said, leaning in close enough to make me jump away from him. He smiled, probably noticing how nervous I was. "Come on, let's go," he whispered, taking my hand to drag me out of my seat against my will. I wasn't ready to talk about what had just happened. It was something I hadn't planned on doing, but I couldn't stop myself. 

Once we were outside, away from the people, Derek let go of my hand, stopping outside the jeep without getting in. I sighed, staring at the ground as I stood in front of him. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that," I mumbled, angry with myself for letting my feelings get the best of me. "I know you said not to be sorry, but it was wrong of me."

"Stiles," Derek said, his voice faltering. "I broke things off with Brett because I can't get over you," he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets as he shifted uncomfortably on his toes. "But the thing is. . . I've like you a lot. I don't want to be an experiment for you. Just last week, you were in love with Lydia, and now suddenly you're kissing me? I've wanted this. . . for a long time- but not if you're unsure." 

I didn't know how to respond to that. He looked so heartbroken because he didn't think I felt the same about him, but I had never been more sure of anything. "Get in the car," I answered, instead of telling him everything I wanted to tell him. "I still have a surprise for you."

"But-"

"Derek, please," I begged, cutting him off before he could argue with me. He sighed, but got into the car without another protest. I got into the driver's seat and started towards the beach as the silence became extremely awkward. When we got there, Derek didn't look as happy as I wanted him to. "Just trust me," I said, giving him a pleading look. 

He nodded, getting out of the car to meet me around at my side. We walked down to the beach where I laid out a blanket to put our things on and then we took our shoes off to keep sand from getting in them. "Stiles, you don't have to do this," he mumbled, still clearly upset. 

"Walk with me?" I requested, waiting for him to follow me as I moved towards the water. He sighed, eventually following me until we were side by side, slowly making our way down the shore. "Derek, can I tell you about the moment when I first knew for sure that I liked you?" I asked, mustering up all of the nerve I had to get my feelings out. I wanted him to know that this wasn't some experiment, and that I really did like him. 

He glanced at me, hands in his pockets as we walked. "So you've been thinking about this for awhile?" he retorted, a small smile on his lips. 

I blushed, looking away from him as I nodded. "Yeah, the first time I knew for sure was the night on my lawn when you were trying to teach me how to dance," I laughed, thinking back to how incredibly hard I fell that night. I never thought I could get Derek to like me back when all of those feelings were rushing into my head. I thought I had to settle for someone else. "I thought I had no chance with you, so I kept trying to convince myself I still wanted to be with Lydia. But after the party, after you kissed me. . . I couldn't pretend anymore. It's true that I've never been with a guy before, but I'm not just experimenting. I really like you, Derek."