I pressed the volume up key of my phone para hindi ko marinig yung drops ng ulan at sumandal ako sa bintana.
Tumingin ako sa kalangitan and subconsciously, tears went rolling down on my cheeks.
If I wasn't stupid enough to believe you, this rain won't bother me. In fact, I would even enjoy it. We used to stop by a coffee shop kung umuulan to warm ourselves at minsan, magpapaulan pa tayong dalawa kung gusto ko nang umuwi. Pero I'm here alone right now, nagmamadaling umuwi, takot na maulanan. If only I was not dumb, I would not need this earphones para hindi ako magmukhang loner. You were always here by my side and you never left me. And handa kang maging korni para hindi ako makaramdam ng awkwardness.
Bumaba na ako ng bus. I rushed into an ice cream parlor para may masilungan at maghintay ng tricyle.
If I wasn't a fool enough to believe you, nasa loob sana tayo ng ice cream parlor na yun kahit umuulan. I would choose the mango flavor and you'd surely choose chocolate. Nagseselfie pa nga tayo for our #nthicecreamdate. Those times. Those times na kapag tumila na yung ulan, doon lang tayo matatapos sa kakaorder ng ice cream. Or kapag malabo pang tumila yung ulan, lalabas ka at tatawag ng tricycle. Yung kahit mabasa ka, okay lang sa'yo basta ang importante not a drop of rain won't drop unto my skin kasi ayaw mong magkasakit ako. Yung namromroblema ka kung paano ako itratransfer mula sa ice cream parlor papuntang tricycle. If only hindi ako masyadong tanga, the rain won't bother me.
Nakasakay na ako ng tricycle at dumiretsong bahay.
Kung sana... kung sana hindi ako tanga para paniwalaan ka, I won't miss the times that you would reprimand me dahil hindi ako nagbibihis agad. Those times na ipapagluto mo ako ng dinner kung wala pa sila Mama. Yung times that Mama would invite you to dinner and the way you used to talk with my siblings. Thr way we used to have good times.
I ate my dinner late dahil tinapos ko muna yung office works at inantay ko pa sila Mama para may kasalo ako.
If only. You used to text me long messages with the thought of Kumain muna bago office works. I kept on checking my phone habang umaasa na magtetext ka kahit wala na tayo. I miss the late night calls. I miss your voice humming to send me to sleep. I miss staying up until 12 am during Fridays just having senseless conversation. The way you would say my name on the line with a sleepy voice. The way you never wanted to end our conversation because you'll miss me.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I miss every single thing you do to me.
I miss everything.
Everything was perfect. Everything went smoothly. Everything was surreal. Everything was fantastic. Everything was love.
Pero bakit?!
May pagkukulang ba ako? I gave my everything para wala lang maisumbat pero bakit? Sobra pa sa sobra kitang minahal.
Masakit.
Kung anong saya ang naramdaman ko ganoon din ang sakit na naramdaman ko noong sinabi mong...
Nakabuntis ka.
How easy for you to dismiss our love. I guess it was just easy to get kaya madali lang ding iwan.
Hanggang ngayon, preskong presko pa yung sakit na nararamdaman ko. Sa araw-araw na gigising ako, there's always this regret.
If I have a chance to go back to the time we've met, mas pipiliin kong hindi ka makilala. Yes, I experienced being loved and happy pero sa bawat ba ligaya kailangan ng ganitong kapait na parusa?
You've left me.
Four years na pero bakit hindi ko pa rin ako maka-move on.
Alam kong para akong tanga...
But I'm hoping that I'll wake from this nightmare I've never slept in.
