stozier // i thought you hated me?

chapter 1

it was rarely "a nice day" in derry. it was usually pouring rain or just gloomy, cloudy, dark, but not today. september 3rd 1993, an unusually bright day. richie was tapping his pen on his lined notebook paper, which was covered in hundreds of little pen doodles he had scribbled down out of pure boredom from his professor's monotone voice, just thinking. his thoughts were a mix of random things, but his main thought was about how stanley was feeling after the incident that morning.

-that morning-

"that's exactly what your mom was saying last night staniel," richie chuckled as stan made a fake gagging sound with his mouth "ew, cut it out trashmouth you're gonna make me sick!!" they both laughed and stanley accidentally ran into someone on his way to his english class "oh shit- i-i'm sorry..." he apologized, not looking up at the tall figure's face yet. "you better be flamer," patrick scoffed as he flicked his greasy dark hair to the side before shoving stan into some lockers in the middle of the crowded hallway, holding the squirming boy by his arms "you'll be sorry for even coming near me faggot," hockstetter spat into stanley's face and he turned away from him, wandering down the hall with his fists shoved into his pockets. stan wiped the spit off his face and was breathing heavily, terrified of what just happened. his heart was practically pounding out of his chest and he tried to catch his unsteady breath. richie came to his aid and quickly comforted him or at least, attempted to "you alright stanny?" stan just shook his head a bit and sighed "um, yeah. i have to get to class. i'll see you in science," the curly haired male said before strolling down the hall and entering his classroom. stanley was polite so he greeted his professor with a smile and a simple "good morning" before taking his seat and rummaging around his bag for the materials he needed for class.

richie then made his way to his own class, slightly picking up his pace after he heard the late bell ring then echo throughout the empty hallways, only the sound of quiet chatter from classrooms being heard. the bell alarmed him, which caused him to almost trip over his own feet and stanley let out a soft giggle then murmured "dumbass" under his breath as he stared at his clumsy lunatic of a best friend walk to class. the lanky male eventually made it and he was followed into the room by his professor, who wasn't too happy with richie's tardy but he never scolded him for it, only occasionally giving him small remarks about it. in reality, richie was actually really smart although he didn't act it with his immature jokes and what adults called his 'funky style' but weirdly enough,  stan adored his obscure style, he found it unique and...free

free

stan never had freedom in his life, especially after the incident with pennywise in the summer of 1989. everything in his life was controlled by his parents, society or else his anxiety disorder. he was diagnosed with anxiety at the age of fourteen and it didn't bother him too much but when it did, it was horrible. when stanley did have a panic attack usually richie was there to comfort him which often didn't help but he still tried his best to make his friend feel better. these panic attacks almost felt like, there was some sort of entity taking over him and his body. taking over, controlling him. this is what it felt like to live with anxiety and also have excruciating nightmares. the nightmares were consistent, at least one every week, ever since pennywise had eaten his face in neibolt. he took over stanley that day, but it wasn't noticeable from the outside. it was internal pain. in his mind. but...stanley didn't focus on that. instead he was trying to figure out himself as a person, one of those things being his sexuality. he labeled himself as 'gay' because there was one person that confirmed his interest in men. richie tozier

yep, stanley fell for his best friend but he hid his feelings and kept them contained in his heart, like when you write a letter, coil in up and put it into a bottle before chucking it out into the sea to whoever finds your message. it was the same with stan's feelings, except he knew who he wanted to find his message in a bottle.  

(message from the author: wooh it feels great to be motivated to finally work on this book. i'm estimating that there will be around ten chapters but there may be more or less, depending on how much i feel like writing. sorry that the first chapter was so short but i will definitely attempt to improve. as always, i love you all and this is emzy signing off)