bloody purple roses (asanoya)

asahis realization

noya pov

i stood up, and started walking twards the school. but i hear someone running off. was someone evesdropping? i brush it off, and go wash my face with cold water to make it look like i wasent crying. i head to class as soon as i could after i looked like i wasent crying and composed myself, and headed to class. nobody gave me a second glance. i headed to class and sat down at my desk, setting my bag down next to me and acted like noting was wrong. nobody was suspicious of me. it was a normal day during class, and it went by fast. i waited till lunch so i could chat with my bro.

asahi pov:

how do i even feel about noya? i mean i feel closer to him than a friend, and y face feels a little warm. i sometimes feel like my heart is racing. i dont know why, but i feel closer to him than my other friends. i start to wonder what things would be like if we were a couple. a bunch of cute scenes some to my head and their all adorable. us strolling through the park or playing together at a beach or waterpark. or playing together at a arcade. noya wearing my jacket, or sweater. holding hands at the movies, or snuggling on a couch while binge watchimg anime. cuddling together on a cold night. i i feel fluttering in my stomach while in thinking o this sort of stuff. something clinked in my head. 

i like noya...

i mentialy face palm. how could i not realize it sooner? how did i miss it?  i felt so stuipid. i  know he's dying, and now i know i like him, and im the only chance of life he has. but theres a big problem. 

even though i know i like him, and he likes me, but the thing is this.

im too scared to confess.

noya pov.

i go to the rooftop and meet up with tanaka. we start to joke around when tanaka asks me a question that i didnt want to hear. 'so have you coughed up any petals today?" i look down at my bento. i nod. "how many petals?" 

i dont answer. 

"noya. how many petals." i look him in the eyes.

"five. five petals." his eyes go wide.

"have the suppressants not been working?"

i shake my head. "no they've been working fine. its just, i was behind the gym, and ranting to the wind, and i started feeling upset since i doubt he would ever like me back and such, and so i ended up crying,  and i coughed up the petals." he patted my back. 

"its fine man. its not like you knew the pill wore off. anyways are you okay now?"

"yeah im good now. thanks for asking me."

"you think you'll be okay later?"

"yeah i can mange. no like anyone was nearby anyways. nobody knows."

"well thats good. so have you decided what your going to do?"

"well i figured id confess next month, but if im in the hospital before then, im going to confess then, and hope for the best. if he dosent reciprocate, then im accepting death,"

"but why! you can get the surgery! you can live even if he rejects you! why? why would you let yourself die?"

i looked up to the sky. it was a mostly sunny day, with only a few louds in the sky. birds singing, and the air smelt earthy since it had rained last night. the rooftop wasent wet with the rain since the rooftop dried faster than the ground "if i got the surgery, id be living in a world where i couldent feel love." i said turning my head back to tanaka. "and thats not a world worth living. you know?" he nodded

"yeah i see where your coming from. but if you die, we'll meet in another life right?"

"of course bro! we'll meet again in another lifetime. best bros will always meet again after death. always." he nods and we fist bump.

i just hope i dont die.