Halal Love Stories (One-Shots)

HLS 16| The Uncertain

I smiled as I witnessed how you emotionally accepted your wedding with her...

"Are you sure about this?"

You once asked me. And I genuinely smiled while nodding.

I smiled as I watch you happily hold her hand in front of your guests...

"Sabri, are you sure you wanna watch his wedding?"

Your cousin, who's also my best friend ask me when we're having a video call. It's your wedding day, of course I won't miss it.

I smiled as I see how your eyes sparkle, because of the unexplainable feeling you have when you sit closely with each other...

"I bet, you'll be so nervous if you'll sit closely next to her in your wedding day."

I once teased you, and I remembered, you only rolled your eyes playfully to me. So gay.

I smiled as I told myself that it's okay...

"Why are you the one preparing his clothes?"

I only smiled at Ummy as I hanged the clothes that you'll be wearing in your wedding day. I personally chose this for you, for I can imagine you handsomely wearing this.

She was your crush for a long time, and she was once the girl you mentioned in your prayer... before I came.

"There was this girl that I had a crush way back. For a long time, I had admired her from afar. I remember mentioning her in my prayers back then. But that was a long time ago, before I knew you, zawjaty."

That's what you exactly said when I bugged you to tell me about your first love. At first, you didn't want to. But when you saw me furrowing my brows, you finally give up and give in to my request.

And as I see you finally marrying each other, I cannot restrain my tears from falling.

No matter how much I want to say that it's okay, I cannot deny the pain that's piercing through me.

I wonder what will happen if your parents didn't forced you to marry someone like me?

Will I still be able to know you?

Will I still be able to marry you?

Will I still be able to be with you?

There are lots of questions that I wanna ask you, but I don't have much time to do so, habibiy.

"Khayron! I'm sorry I have to call you in your wedding day, but Sabri fainted and we are bringing her to the hospital!"

My consciousness is nowhere to be found, but I can clearly hear everyone.

The sound of the ambulance.
The hysterical voices of my parents.
The quick assistance of the nurses.
The sound of the running stretcher.

The only thing that I remembered before falling into a deep slumber, was the severe pain that I've been enduring creeping in me.

"Why... didn't you told me about this zawjaty? Why did you let me get married again, when you're battling alone? Why did you let me be happy, when you're suffering silently? How can you not let me take care of you?"

I don't wanna see you unhappy, habibiy.

"Please open your eyes zawjaty. Let me see your beautiful eyes again, let me hear your I love you's again. Let me take care of you, please. Don't leave me like this. Yā Rabbiy."

I cannot stop my tears from escaping my closed  eyes, anymore. And as they slowly glided on my face, I can feel a warm hand wiping them. I can feel your warm soft hands, wiping my tears gently.

If only you know how I badly want to open my eyes. How I desperately want to talk to you. How much I wanna tell you that I love you for the last time... but I just can't.

This is probably the way of Allah to lessen the pain of my departure. Because I know, if you see me open my eyes and hear my voice, you'll not be able to let go immediately. And I'm aware that if I see your tearing eyes... if I see you crying helplessly, I don't know if I still can leave, sincerely. I want to return to Allah with an Ikhlas heart, zawjiy.

But I've been wanting to ask you this, habibiy.

If our parents didn't forced us to marry each other, will you still marry a girl like me?

Will you still marry a dying girl like me?