To The Me I Want To Be

So You Had To Lose Someone Again

Hi Me,

Right now when I'm writing this, as you probably remember, you've just had a pretty hard day. You lost some people, very good people who meant a lot to you the past few days. Some even being family. You want to cry, but no tears can come out, like you're underwater desperate to come up for air, but it's just endless currents and waves crashing above you. 

We both know this isn't the first time, and we both know it definitely wont be the last. I could rattle off so many names right now of all the people that have come and gone in our lifetime that most other people would think it's a yearbook for a graduation. A lot of those people are some of the names you never thought would be on there. A few were always going to be there of course, and some even asked to join them. 

We've done a lot of bad in our life. A lot of people have been hurt, and a lot have been let down and disappointed in our actions. We have really hit our rock-bottom too many times. Surprisingly it manages to get deeper every time. 

We read a lot about people who have been in our place. It's nothing unique or special, it makes us human actually. Only problem with humans is that we only notice when the worst or best things happen, and unfortunately it's normally the former. Mistakes are picked up on and made into problems. We're taught to learn from those mistakes but often we just crumble under that pressure. It's why we have hurt people: the pressure of wanting to be the best.

Truth of the matter is Me; we ain't gonna ever be the best. I don't really think anyone can claim that title. Sure many people would want to, but those people are the ones who least deserve it. The rich, the popular, the powerful. The people the world want you to see and wants you to be. Society is always picking out these people and throwing away the wasted. That's us right now. 

It's not about being the best person Me, it's about being the best person you want to be. We both know what you want in life is to be accepted. Loved. Appreciated. The facts are that you can obtain that, you just need to stop looking at what society wants you to look at to see it. You don't need to be rich and spend loads of money on people who don't deserve it just to get a weak thank you without any meaning. You don't need to be popular and have everyone look your way and notice you when you step out the door every morning. You don't need to be powerful and control the people in your life, manipulating and attacking them into submission. What you need to be is you, and who you are. You are amazing Me. You're careless about yourself, and always put the people in front you want to care about. You're adventurous even when you can't be exploring new places physically, always ready to try a challenge regardless of the consequences. You're emotional. We have always been told it's wrong to be, but it's not. It's human. You are human. Don't let people expect any more or any less of you.

These names on the list of people lost were always going to be there, and it's not because of what you think were your mistakes, but that they wasn't right for you. You are a lot to handle, that much is true but that's because you're not afraid to be what those people are and that's human. Think about what you've managed in a year, all the people you should have never have met are now your favourite people in the whole world. It didn't cost you a thing, not even time as any time with them is time well spent. The thing you need to realise too is that these people look up to you. They see you and they even need you. They won't always need you, but the times they do you'll be there for them, and not the people who ran away. 

You may be alone right now, but upon the dawn there will be a million new people to meet, and a million new faces to put a smile on. Just make sure you do it your way, and not the way you see other's do it. Play to your strengths, and make them listen and learn your way, not by forcing them to listen to someone else. You have so much potential, and deep down a lot of courage and guts to go for it. Grab hold of your opportunities. 

Think about every compliment you've gotten that's stuck with you. Every comment that never leaves you. Every moment you relive years past the time it happened. It's stuck because it's a lesson. A lesson into who you are. They may not all be pleasant to remember but if they was all positive then deep down you wouldn't be. We all need to learn sometimes through pain. Losing friends is that pain for you. The more it happens the more it hurts as you've yet to come to terms with it. The thing is though is that losing all these people are making you stronger each time. You never let yourself fall, and refuse to stay down. You stand strong and hold your fist high ready for the next blow. Each blow is something you're going to take with you. It will scar, but like they say: every scar is a memory. It's a sign. A mark. Let these people leave their marks, as each one will be a reminder of the best and worst times with them, and it's those times that make you human.

You have it all inside you Me, all you have to do is dig deep, stand your ground and fight again.

Me