Juvenile. - Harry Styles.

Preview: Dear Diary.

Dear Diary,

I missed you. Not only have I missed you, but I miss her.

She was my everything, and of course, I had to mess it up. I made a huge mistake today.

I feel guilty. I've never felt this feeling before.

The feeling inside of me? - It hurts, way more than I thought it would.

It's just one of those feelings where... It feels like you're drowning.

But you know what? I'm not going to give up. Yes. - The mistake I've done today, is something I can't undo so easily. But I need her. She keeps me sane. She's my drug and I want her back.

- Harry Styles.

I slammed my book shut and placed it neatly onto my night stand. I brought my hands up to the back of my neck, and gently placed the back of my head into the palms of them. I forced myself to look at the clock, just to check the time. It's been exactly one week, 67 hours, 4 minutes and 46 seconds since I lost her. And it still hurts as much as when it first happened.

It was 1 A.M, and I should probably rest, but I just couldn't. I couldn't get the images out of my head. The night, where my entire life made a turn. Not a good one, either. I ran a hand through my messy, curly hair, letting out a loud groan.

"I miss her! Don't you understand?!" I shouted. Nobody was here. Nobody could hear me, but I had to get it off my chest. I wanted her back, and there was chance, I wouldn't. My memories travelled back to her last words. "You're a monster!", she said. The sad part of the entire situation was - I was a monster. She did deserve someone better. She did deserve someone who truly loved her. And she did deserve someone else. Someone who wasn't me.

"You're still so young." My mother used to say. "Everyone makes mistakes, Harold." She always told me. And I believed her. I believed I could make as many mistakes as possible. But this mistake? - Yeah, it ruined my life. But she was right, I was still young. I had an entire life ahead of me, but I couldn't imagine it, without her.

I glanced at the alarm clock. 1:30 A.M. And all I've been doing again, was thinking. I thought about her every day. Thinking about how I could win her back. But I've got absolutely nothing but a guilty feeling, and a gun. I still had to get rid of that thing. And the blood stains. And even the dead body, but it can wait, right? I had no motivation to do it, anywas. Nothing. I had absolutely nothing. I felt empty. All I felt was my heart beat, it kept me alive. Everytime I wake up in the morning, I see it as a new chance. A new chance to prove her, that I wasn't a monster, that I wanted to change, and that I can be different.

I wanted her, more than anything. She was the completely opposite, but we worked. Both of us worked. We connected more than expected, until I killed someone, who she loved, more than me, and I couldn't take it. She was mine. I've always claimed her as mine.

"I may be a monster, but I'm your worst nightmare." I said to myself, in the dark, my voice low and raspy as I finally closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.