Someone's looking at me. I can feel it. It's just that. I can't see anything.
Example. This morning I was cooking for my food and for my fiance when I feels like there's someone watching me until I'm done cooking. He/She is standing beside the table which is in front of me.
It's always happened. Since when I was a child. But my parents didn't answer my questions about this thing. Until now that I'm going to married.
"Hey, Avería. It's been a week!" She's chloe, My childhood bestfriend. Who knows everything I've been through.
"Hey, Yeah It is." I said while looking outside the Cafe. She's looking at me. Curiously. I mean like she knows everything about me since when I was a child so I know she's suspecting something what I'm doing right now.
"Is there something wrong, Ave? Ahmm. Do you still thinking about 'someone's looking at me'?" I get it! She really knows everything about me!
"Yeah. It's just that. It's so scary. You know? It's like I'm spying by anyone who I doesn't now! For my sake! It's been a decades! And until now I'm still feeling it. It's just weird and scary." She just tapped my shoulder and order another food for her 'desserts' which is she it's her second round of eating.
"Just ask your parents."
"I'm doing that! But they keep ignoring me!"
"I know but this time. Force them to talk about this. Maybe they will talk and It can help you to move on and be happy to your nearest wedding day." She just shrugged and When the food is done she immediately ate it a lot. She didn't even bother to ask me for food. She just ate it all. Well I'm full anyways.
After riding a Taxi. I immediately run to my parents room. And Knock for a talk.
"Hey, Sweety! How are you?" Mommy said while spreading her arms asking for hug. I hug her immediately same as dad who's looking at us especially me.
"I'm good. How about you? It's been a month! Are you doing well?" They just nod and sit to the couch.
"So. Avería. Why are you here?" I looked at him with a questioning eyes.
"I lived here too!"
"I know. But not this time. You are going to be married, Sweetheart. And you lived now with your finance. I know you want to ask something." So he Sense it. Being here for him is questionable since I moved out two years ago.
"I just want... to ask..." I looked at them and then bow my head. I'm so shy but this shyness won't answer my question so I force myself to be brave enough to face this fear.
"I just want to ask about someone looking at me. Who is it? Is it a girl or a boy?" They just look at each other sadly but It's like they knew this day would come. Just not expecting this to early.
"He's looking at me since when I was a child, Mom. Dad. It's hard for me to stay in my comfort zone. I'm going to be married. Mom and Dad and I want to face this fear. Everytime I'm going out or Doing anything. Someone's looking at me! I can sense it. But I just don't know who or what is it. Because I didn't see anything."
"When I'm being alone. I don't feel it because everytime I'm doing my lonely day or for my-self-day. There's someone. There's someone watching. Sometimes He's besides me. Sometimes He's few inches away. Sometimes I can even feel the coldness of being a hugged or kissed by air! For Fuck sake it's scaring me a lot but I'm still here at my zone not to be panicked or something but deep inside Mom, Dad I'm scared so much." My tears slowly escaping into my eyes and now it looks like a river flow.
"It's a she." I immediately look at my Dad who's looking at my Mom now is crying.
"She? Who is She, Dad?" My body hair now is standing all of it. Even my eyes stop crying because of it.
"She is your Mom." I looked at my mom. I'm still blank after what Dad's said but when I saw my mom weep in tears. I run towards her and hugged her so tight.
"So it means Mom. That you're not my real mother? How come?" I ask her whispering. But she just smiled at me.
"She's looking at you since you were born, Sweetheart. She died because she of difficulty of giving birth to you. She is a surrogate mother since she-he's looking at mom, Can't bare a child. But want to have my own child. So we planned to have a Surrogate mother and use my semen to made you.
But unfortunately she died after giving birth to you. I know you are confused but she loves you so much although she is your surrogate mother. She takes care fo you when you're kicking. She keeps talking to you. She keeps eating healthy food so you can be healthy too. She's being a good mother but because of uneasiness of giving birth because you're so healthy back then, She died." He holds my hand and squeeze it.
"We love you so much, Sweetheart. I'm sorry if I just said it now. I'm so scared to lose my own baby. I'm sorry. Lo siento, bebé." They look so sad. And i can feel it. I'm not numb. I can feel their sadness. They are just a parents who doesn't want to lose their child.
"I'm not leaving you. I just want to know everything about this. But maybe if I knew this earlier everything will be fine. But don't worry. You are still my parents. Nothing will change that. But I have one more mommy." They smiled at me and thanking me for not leaving or being mad at them.
I asked them if i can go visit to my surrogate mother and they immediately agreed.
Since when I was a child I thought that Monsters are the one who's looking at me but knowing this story I found out that It's not a Monster but an Angel who always protect me from bad spirits.
After visiting her everytime i feels someone's watching at me instead of being scared I just smiled at her because I know she's looking at me. Guarding for me at everything. Thanking at her for everything that she stayed by my side until now that I'm now totally married for the person who is destined to be with me until my last breath.
