Hummingbird Heartbeat

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

They ran as fast as they could through the night, no more laughter no more music, just running. By dawn they were exhausted but had no clue where they were or where Azog was. Bilbo ran up a hill to look behind them as they all caught their breath. Maranda was shaking, eyes wide but coherent. Thorin moved over to her, shooting Kili a look. He touched her shoulder gently and she almost screamed again but a soft finger on her lips made her still.

"Maranda, will you make it?" he said softly and she blinked in confusion. "If you do not think you can reach the Mountain I shall send Gandalf with you back to Rivendell and send for you when we reclaim Erebor," he vowed softly so no one else could hear. She blinked and shook her head.

"No I-I-I can't just leave you. You guys need me," she stuttered out, shivering like a leaf.

"Not if you are hurt," he said touching her left shoulder briefly. She shuddered as the place her wing should have been ached in pain.

"I can do it," she said softly and something akin to strength flickered in her eyes. Thorin nodded and Bilbo came stumbling down the hill. And then they were running and running from a huge monster and diving into the house and slamming the door shut and gasping for breathe. Maranda was shivering, leaning against the wall as Gandalf told them all to get some sleep. Kili crouched beside her.

"Mara, come lie down," he said gently. She just shook her head. "Please, Mara," he coaxed and she shuddered.

"I can never fall asleep again," she said softly. "I have these awful dreams Kili."

"Let me help you. I can protect you," Kili promised and she let loose an all too sadistic laugh.

"No one can help me Ki. I'm...I'm not-"

"Maranda," Thorin said suddenly and the two younger people jumped. Maranda looked up at Thorin's hand, which he had extended to her. "I need to speak with you about Mirkwood," he said seriously.

"Uncle she's hurt, she needs rest," Kili protested but Maranda ignored him and took Thorin's hand. He helped her up and led her away from the others. He sat down and she dropped down next to him.

"I can't say much, but I do know that there are spiders-"

"I care not," Thorin interrupted as she stared at him blankly. He hated himself, hated himself, for what he was about to do, but it needed to be done, to help her, help the quest. If this is what it took, then this is what would be done. "Maranda, you are ill," he said flatly and she scoffed. "No, listen," he snarled and she drooped. "You are taken by madness. I have seen it in many warriors who have suffered injury and great war."

"PTSD," Maranda said with a glum look. "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"Yes," Thorin agreed. "Maranda, you know I have faith in you, trust in you, but you are ill. Warriors like that take years, decades sometimes to recover, many take a lifetime. They do not return to battle and are a liability when they do. Maranda, if you cannot keep yourself together, I will send you to Rivendell with the wizard," Thorin said. Maranda stared. His eyes were firm, jaw set and voice hard. It was the first thing that had really grounded her. The music had distracted her, the spell Gandalf placed to clear her mind only left a thousand thoughts swirling madly. But his words made her think clearly for the first time since the Eyrie.

"You would send me away?" she said softly and Thorin nodded firmly.

"Maranda, I care for you deeply, but I will not risk this quest for my own friendships," he said firmly. He didn't mean it of course. He would rather die than see her hurt, rather abandon Erebor for another year before she be hurt, but he knew she felt the same. She would end her own life before she put this quest in jeopardy. She blinked at him and took in a deep breath.

"I know," she said and shook her head vigorously as if shaking loose thoughts. "I-I just need a moment..."

"You have had three days," Thorin said firmly and she looked at him imploringly. "Pull yourself together," he snapped and she sucked in a deep breathe.

"I-I took a-a class on PTSD for science," Maranda said frowning in thought. "There's no set way in removing it but, there are things that help some people. Um..." She unfastened the strings from her cloak and dropped them. Thorin nearly looked away. Her back looked empty without the other wing to accompany the first. "Acceptance, therapy, prosthetics...all sorts of things." She looked at him and he saw strength flashing in the green gold depths. "I can do this, Thorin. I'll see you to that Mountain as king." He had a feeling he was missing something, but he had little time to puzzle into it.

"MARA!" Bofur cried in horror. He had seen. "What 'appened to ye'?" Maranda grinned crookedly, standing up and walked towards him.

"Azog the Defiler happened," she said seriously and Bofur shook his head in horror, eyes wide.

"Are you...are you okay?" he asked.

"No. Not really. But I will be," she said strongly. Kili sat next to his uncle who was leaning back against the wall.

"Thank you, Uncle," Kili said and Thorin grunted. "I was afraid nothing would ever get to her. You should take charge of taking care of her." Thorin shot him a suspicious look but the look on Kili's face was merely one of bliss. "It's good to see her better. A Fairy should never be hurt like that." Her back was red under her shoulder blade and she was pale elsewhere. She had the scars of her depression crisscrossing her body, but that was just Mara. She was forcing smiles, empty ones, for now. But there was little to be done about that. Everyone lay down in the soft hay. Bilbo consoling Maranda as she plopped down in the dried grasses.

"I'll be fine, Bilbo," she promised. "Just let me get some sleep," she said with a laugh. It made Kili and Thorin flinch. She sat between the two and was about to speak when Kili stood and migrated over to Fili. She glared playfully at his receding back and glanced shyly at Thorin. He arched an eyebrow and she blush, her wing giving a halfhearted fluttering. "Don't act so coy, I know what you did for me," she said and he looked away. In a blink her lips were pressed onto his cheek and he was bright red. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear and he looked at her as she flopped down into the hay, the tips of her ears bright red.

Thorin tried to sleep. He did, but Maranda was shaking violently and he pulled her close, wrapping his coat around her and pressing his nose to her crown.

"Stop it, stop it please. No, no, no," she mumbled in her sleep, begging to unseen torturers to stop whatever heinous crime Thorin would have to punish them for. But now he held her and he fought tears. She was broken and he could feel it, deep in his bones. Oh Maranda.