After All This Time?

Conflicted ~Rin

A few days passed and my wound was healing much faster than what the two mikos expected. However, it wasn't completely healed and I still needed to take things easy. My left arm was wrapped in a cloth sling to restrict my movements on my shoulder.

I was briskly walking down the path towards the horse stables, ecstatic to see that Kuro had returned home safe and sound. I approach him with a soft, tired smile. I pet his neck with my right hand as he softly snorts at me.

"You happy to see me too?" I ask the dark stallion. He nods his head as if in agreement. I giggle softly, brushing my hand against his soft fur, "I'm so sorry for putting you through all that my friend."

I press my forehead against Kuro's, assuring him that I still do care for him. The stallion snorts pleasantly, showing no signs of ill-will towards me.

"He got lucky I found him on the outskirts of the village so I brought him back here a couple of days ago." A male voice suddenly spoke behind me.

I was startled and turned around quickly to find the source of the voice. I was surprised to see the young man with his recognizable freckles across his nose.

"Oh Kohaku, you scared me." I exclaim with a sigh of relief.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Rin." Kohaku apologizes sincerely, "I just saw you were here and I wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm doing better." I answer with a soft smile, lightly rubbing my slung arm.

"That's good to hear."

He pauses for a moment, "I spoke with Kaede after it happened..."

"Oh...?" I nervously grip the elbow of my left sleeve.

"Yeah..." he spoke concerned.

Silence fell between us.

"When I found out you were seriously injured, I was terrified that I wasn't going to make it to you." Kohaku spoke, breaking the silence.

I had a woeful look on my face, dropping my head down staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry I had you so worried, Kohaku."

Kohaku shook his head and approaches me, closing the gap between us. He gently wraps his arms around me, holding me close to him in an embrace.

"I'm just glad you're okay, Rin."

My cheeks became rosy, my hands got sweaty, and my heart rapidly increased its pace. I rest my head on his shoulder and I press my hand against his chest, accepting his showing of affection. I didn't mind this gesture at first, but it wasn't feeling right to me the longer it lasted.

I had suspected for a long time that Kohaku might have certain feelings for me and just never pursuit me as many other suitors did. But this was different. I never feel bad when I didn't share the same sentiments with the other suitors, but with Kohaku, I felt a bit guilty for not having them.

We were like this for a moment and Kohaku finally pulls away with his cheeks burning red. He began stumbling to try and find the right words to say next but I just giggle softly at him.

He chuckles along with me.

"Care if I walk you back home?"

"I don't mind." I accept with a smile.

-
I'm amazed that she's still so kind and can hold a smile after what she went through. I admire her strength.
-

We were enjoying each other's company, catching up on small things on our way back. Kind villagers stop us to see how I was doing along the way. I greet them with smiles and assured them that I would be okay.

Most of the villagers knew what had happened to me, being brought back unconscious and covered in blood and beaten in the pouring rain distraught a lot of the villagers, and were so relieved to learn that I would recover.

I was starting to have this sinking feeling in my stomach. I wasn't sad or anything, but was feeling a bit... guilty? I didn't like that I was feeling this way and I couldn't explain why at the moment, so I tried to put it in the back of my mind to think on later.

"You okay?" Kohaku asks suddenly as we continued walking down the path.

I look at him and smile.

"Yes, I'm fine."

""

When Kohaku returns me home, he departs to return to training the new yokai taijiyas at his village. I wave goodbye to him as he flies away on Kirara's back. I was resting on my bed, not able to do a lot for myself until Kaede and Kagome come in to check on me. They see me periodically throughout the day to help with my needs, help change my bandages, et cetera.

The door swings open and Kagome walks in. She tells me that she had arrived today to check on the condition of my shoulder and to see if it was healed enough to remove the sling.

Kagome unwraps the bandages.

"The swellings went down so that's good." She expresses, "the wound still needs to be cleaned often, but you won't need to have your arm slinged as long as you continue to take it easy."

I was relieved to hear that I'll finally have some movement in my left arm again. I watch Kagome clean out my wound; a two-inch gash that stretched vertically over my shoulder. I was lucky, had the injury nick any of my major arteries, I would have died within minutes.

I started feeling conflicted.

I love living in the village and having all the people I care about and those that care about me altogether in the same place.  However, at the same time, I wanted to see Lord Sesshomaru again and I knew once I see him, I'll want to leave with him if he allowed it.

I'm not sure how I want to sort this out or how to make the right decision.

Kagome finishes wrapping the last of the new bandages on my shoulder, without adding the sling to my arm. Kagome pushes herself off the floor and began to leave until I spoke suddenly.

"Wait Kagome! Do you have a moment longer?"

Kagome stops in her tracks and turns back to face me.

"Of course, Rin." Kagome says kindly, now kneeling beside me, "what else do you need?"

"Actually, there is something I wanted to ask you, " I began, but was a little hesitant to continue. I shake my head and resume with my thought, "how were you able to decide between choosing to stay in your time or coming back here to the Warring State?"

Kagome looked to be taken by the question. Then I saw her eyes grow warm with kindness and understanding because I think now she's aware of what I was now fighting with internally.

"Honestly... I just knew what I wanted."

Even with Kagome's brief explanation, while respectable, I still didn't get the answer I was looking for.

"Did it take you long to decide?"

"Well, for me I had no hesitation," Kagome pauses for a moment to clarify, "but Rin, don't think you have to quickly make the decision right now if you're still struggling to choose."

My eyes widened with enlightenment from Kagome's next words as she continues, "My decision was already easier cause I knew for certain I wanted to be with Inuyasha. I already knew him so much and I grew to love him from our travels. And maybe that's something you need to do first before making your final decision; see if love grows between you and him."

I gave Kagome a bright smile of pure happiness as tears were running down my cheeks.

"Thank you so much, Kagome."

Kagome smiles in return.

"I hope whatever you choose to do makes you truly happy, Rin."