Sleepless Sorrow

PAINTING

TW: bleeding, self harm(kind of), eating disorder(not mentioned enough but it's there) and cursing.

~•°♡°•~
J

ungkook's POV

With a little hesitance, he stood up and started getting ready for the day. He dragged his feet on his way to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Not like it can clean how dirty he feels inside, but he didn't let his thoughts linger longer than it usually does. He needs to get to work. It doesn't pay much compared to the work he's putting in but it's better than having no money at all.

After what feels like hours of standing under the water with soap no longer on his body, he dried himself and got dressed. He stared at the mirror and looked at his appearance. He knows he haven't gotten a goodnight sleep since.. he left. All those nights he feared to sleep because not a single night passed that he won't dream about him. Him. The man he devoted his life to. The man who loved him like no one did. A fool. The man who he promised not to get hurt. Yet, here they are. Away from each other and every single time he thinks of it, it still hurt. The pain never went away. I just want you back.

But he can't. And he knows that. He remembers the ache, his disappointed face... and what he said before he left.

"It's all my fault" he whispered still looking at his reflection. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU'RE FUCKING MESSED UP IN THE HEAD! HE LOVES--LOVED YOU! HE--" he punched the mirror with his fist and the shattered glass flew everywhere. On his face and forearm. Some clinged on his shirt and pants. His knuckles bruised and bleeding.

"Why am I like this? Love, please come back. I want you please. I need you. Please! Why did you leave me?", he whispered to no one. It took him a lot of energy to not cry again and tried to compose himself. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. Just like he taught him.

He stayed there for while then took his med kit behind the now shattered mirror. He removed the bits of glass on his skin and clothes. It took some time and a few heavy sighs until he's done. He looked at it and thought he did an awful job at it but that'll do. He knows he's gonna get an earful from his boss when he sees the bandages nosey bitch, but that's the least of his problems right now. He needs to clean this up before he let himself convince that a single shattered glass can do wonders for him. He shakes that thought for the nth time and continued cleaning.

Once he was done, he finally went outside and went to the kitchen to grab something to eat. He opened the fridge and saw a day old pizza slice and some cola. That'll do. It's better than what he eats most of the week anyways. This will get me full for today. He sat down his worn out single person dining table, barely holding on. Just like me.

He took his time because thanks to his nightmare, his two hours early from his alarm. 3:27am. He let out a heavy sigh and started munching on his food. He zoned out trying to chew his hardened pizza slice when his phone suddenly buzzed.

BOSS:
Hey J!
You awake?
Ofc you are;)
I can hear you overthinking from the shop
Can you come in early today? Like, 5:30am?
And I have warm coffee here.
I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS
Come to work!
Pls><
I'll be waiting J.                                                                       
Me:         
Omw

BOSS:

Great!

What's he up to again? So fucking nosey.

He threw his half eaten pizza in the trash and his untouched cola. He got up and started preparing for work. He changed his spoiled, or rather, blooded shirt. He didn't bother changing his pants since it was black anyways. He won't notice it.