Now what was I supposed to do? Hiding this for Mark was no longer an option. Though, I wasn't doing it for him anymore, I hadn't been for a while. I was keeping this a secret for the sake of my parents. They were stressed out enough about my eating disorder, cautiously making sure I eat enough calories each day. In fact, they were so focused on me, they hardly ever payed attention to Mark.
Christmas morning felt different. An awful tension grew between my brother and I, like we were both wondering who would crack first. I stared at him from across the living room as he opened the gift I'd bought him. The corner of his mouth tugged a smile as he unwrapped the newest edition of his favorite video game, Grand Theft Auto. He thanked me quickly and continued on. My dad opened up the gift card I'd gotten him for River's after mom put on the bracelet that cost me $2.00.
By the end of the morning, I'd received a new case for my phone, more sketch pads, and too many clothes to fit in my wardrobe. This meant I would have to clean out my closet within the next few days.
I ate a muffin for breakfast, really I only at the top, but it was tasty all the same. And I wasn't worrying about the calories. Carol told us girls at he support group to make it our New Years Resolution. I could stop now, I was an alright size, I didn't feel horridly fat anymore. In the entire process of my disorder I'd lost almost 20 pounds in a few months. I was still allowed to exercise, but not excessively.
"Good breakfast?" My father asked, stepping into the kitchen where I'd been sitting alone.
"Mhm!" I managed through a mouthful.
"Fantastic." He winked, and grabbed a muffin for himself. "I'm proud of you."
I widened my eyes as I swallowed my bite. "Thanks?"
"I'm serious. I'm proud that you were able to remove yourself from that stage you were in. Most girls can't do it as fast as you did." He unwrapped his muffin.
"Oh. Yeah, I guess I'm proud too." I smiled. We sat together for a few minutes, talking about our plans for the day. We were going to spend Christmas with Jen and her family, because the roads were too icy to go anywhere further than a mile up the street.
I got dressed in an over-sized knitted navy blue sweater and black leggings with tan leather boots. Topped off with a dark grey over coat because of the chill.
Jen texted, asking if we'd left yet.
I slipped my phone into the pocket of my coat after telling her we'd be there soon, and left my room, closing the door behind me. Mark and my father were waiting in the kitchen for my mother and I to finish preparing ourselves. They both had facial expressions as if to say 'typical women, taking forever.'
We had left soon after Mom came down the stairs in a green and red sweater. The car was warm compared to the air outside, but still a little chilly.
Jen's driveway was plowed, leaving large mounds of snow bordering it. There were pretty Christmas lights along the trim of her house, and there were tiny paw prints all around the yard from her little dog, Mercedes.
I walked inside, greeted by my best friend and her parents. Jen was wearing a nice tan sweater with jeans, obviously new.
The kitchen smelled like sugar cookies were recently made. Jen and I sat at the table, talking about what we got for Christmas.
I tried to keep my mind off of Mark, who stayed silent unless he was spoken to. Even then, he only let out one worded answers in a mumbled tone. I hope it bothered him as much as it bothered me.
Jen distracted me, causing me to lose my train of thought. "I want to show you something." She said, taking my arm. She lead me to her bedroom. It had been rearranged since the last time I'd seen it. "LOOK!" She exclaimed, gesturing to a new poster of her favorite band.
