Omegas Gambit 1/4

Chapter 12

"Are you sure you want to do this, Korra? You don't have to hunt Zaheer by yourself. The others are doing everything they can already."

Korra sat down in the small circle of rocks surrounding the lone tree she had chosen and gave a deep sigh. She had hoped Suyin's garden would provide her with the peace and clarity she needed to meditate, but so far, it wasn't working. Part of it was the scent of Asami's heat filling her nose and making her head swim, but she had almost gotten used to existing in a constant state of arousal. Instead, it was the churning, sick feeling in her gut that distracted her.

Meditation required strict control. Acknowledging emotions and then letting them go was the only way to cross the barrier between the physical world and the Spirit World. But some of the emotions she felt were too terrifying to acknowledge. She hated that Zaheer was going to wipe out the Airbenders because of her. She hated that Ba Sing Se was burning and she hadn't been there to help. And in the midst of all the pain and chaos caused by the Red Lotus, here she was, worrying about her relationship with Asami.

It's not even a relationship. I'm just helping with her heat. Our friendship and Team Avatar don't have to fall apart under pressure like everything else I touch. But no matter how many times she tried to convince herself, she still didn't believe it. When she realized Asami was still waiting for an answer, she reluctantly raised her eyes. "Yes," she said, crossing her legs and resting her forearms on her thighs. "I'm the Avatar. If I don't do this, who will?"

"All the other people trying to help you," Asami said. A soft hand rested on her shoulder, and Korra almost flinched under the gentle touch. Even though she and Asami had become more physically intimate, she still didn't understand how a simple gesture could undo her so completely. She wasn't sure if she'd ever get used to it. "You don't have to fight Zaheer alone, in the Spirit World or anywhere else. I'm here, Mako and Bolin are here, your father and Lin and Suyin are here..."

Korra stopped listening as the names continued. Her mind, which was supposed to be empty of all worldly cares, had latched selfishly on to those two words. 'I'm here...' It was all she wanted. The only thing she wanted. She wanted Asami—smart, brave, beautiful, loyal Asami—to stay with her forever. And she felt crushed under the weight of the knowledge that she couldn't have everything she wanted. She couldn't even have the one thing she wanted.

She reached out, placing her palm over the one on her shoulder. Then, slowly, she moved Asami's hand away and placed it back in her lap. "I need to do this," she said, her voice soft and resigned. "The Air Nation is my responsibility. Dealing with Zaheer is my responsibility."

The worry line in the middle of Asami's forehead furrowed deeper. "I'm not saying they aren't. But that doesn't mean I can't help you. I..."

Somehow, Korra knew the words Asami was holding back. They were exactly what she had been afraid of. Exactly what she wanted, but couldn't allow herself to have. Not just for the world's sake, but for Asami's.

She gave Asami's hand one last squeeze before unlacing their fingers and returning her arm to the top of her thigh. After her heat, this will all go back to normal. She'll realize this could never work. She'll understand that she doesn't want to be with the Avatar, that sex isn't enough to keep two people together when everything else is falling apart.

"You can help," she said, unable to bear Asami's hurt for another second. "You are helping. You're helping by being my friend, by watching over me. You were the first to volunteer to look out for me back there... and I know it's not just because you finally saw a chance to get a few minutes alone with me."

Asami looked as though she wanted to protest, but in the end, she remained silent. She nodded her head, and Korra closed her eyes.

It took several minutes of quiet breathing for her to sort out the mess in her mind. Each thread of thought she followed had a painful end, and most of them were tangled in a knot around Asami's name. But with every rise and fall of her chest, each slow beat of her heart, she severed herself a little more from her emotions, and from the woman she was swiftly becoming dependent on. Finally, she cut the last string tying her down. It doesn't matter if she loves me, or even if I love her. Only this matters. Only saving the world.

When she opened her eyes, she was no longer sitting in the rock garden. Instead, she was standing on a misty yellow hill in Xai Bau's Grove. She clenched her fists, scanning the horizon through the fog. "Zaheer, come out and face me! Leave the airbenders out of this." Come pay for the precious things you're making me give up. She listened intently, but the grove remained silent except for the useless echo of her own voice.

Still, she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. She was certain she wasn't alone. She whipped around on instinct, catching sight of a shadowy figure climbing up the hill through the mist. Her hands clenched into fists, and she prepared to meet the intruder head-on. "There you are..."

But the figure didn't charge. Instead, they held up their hands, and some of the fog cleared to reveal a familiar, friendly face. "Please don't hurt me, Korra," Iroh said, smiling as he reached the top of the hill. "I'm just an old man.

Korra blinked in surprise. "Iroh? What are you doing here?"

"I was just out searching for a new teapot to add to my collection. But instead, I found you." His eyes crinkled with laughter. "In the Spirit World, you always seem to find something you don't know you were looking for. But you look troubled..."

There was no use denying it. Even in the Spirit World, her hurt hadn't gone away. "I am."

"Sit," Iroh said, and Korra felt a strange sense of relief as she joined him on the ground. She crossed her legs again, resting the heels of her hands just above her knees and slumping over in exhaustion. "What is on your mind, Korra?"

"There's a maniac on the loose and he's threatening to destroy the new Air Nation." She sighed, knowing that wasn't the whole truth, and hating herself for allowing a part of her heart to hold on to anything less important. Her conflicted feelings for Asami were such a small problem in comparison, but they still dominated her thoughts. "I don't know what to do."

Iroh nodded in understanding. "Just because you are the Avatar doesn't mean you will have all the answers."

Korra lowered her gaze to her lap. For some reason, staring at Iroh's face reminded her of Asami. Perhaps it was the concern there, the silent reassurance that she was doing all she could. Maybe it was just because every caring face became Asami's face when she looked long enough. But somehow, she still felt incredibly alone.

"I know many Avatars have needed guidance, but I'm the only one since Avatar Wan who can't get help from my past lives. I wish I could talk to Aang." I wish I could ask him how he did it. How he saved the world and got the girl without screwing everything up like me.

"You know, Zuko and Aang were close friends," Iroh said.

Korra considered what he had said for a moment. Lord Zuko wouldn't be able to solve her problems with Asami, but maybe he could offer her some guidance about Zaheer and the Airbenders. That was the more important problem anyway. Dealing with her own pain could wait until they were safe. "Lord Zuko? Do you really think he could help me?"

"Yes. His relationship with my nephew started off a little rocky..." He waggled his hand, and the smile in his eyes returned. "But they grew to become lifelong friends. Best friends."

The word best friends made Korra's stomach sink, but at the same time, her heart lifted with hope. Just focus on the Airbenders. That's a problem you can fix. It's your job to fix it. "Thank you so much, Iroh," she said, leaning in closer to him. "You're right about the Spirit World. I came here looking for someone else, but I'm glad I found you."

"You might not always be sure of the person you're looking for, Korra. But what's true in the Spirit World is true in the physical world as well. If you reach out, the person you are supposed to find will find you as well."

Korra closed her eyes, finally allowing herself to relax. Perhaps it won't be such a bad thing to ask for help. Maybe...

"Did you find Zaheer?" Asami's worried voice whispered close beside her cheek, and Korra opened her eyes to see soft lips hovering a few inches away from hers. She ignored her first instinct, which was to take them in a kiss, and smiled instead.

"No, he wasn't there. But there's someone I need to talk to."