Lipstick:Tales of Hockey Moms Gone Wrong

Kennewick Man

 This is a work of fiction.  All characters depicted herein are the product of the author's imagination and do not represent actual persons, living or dead.

"Is she reading a book during the hockey game?" asked the new mom.

"Who Alice?  She's been in that book for two years." chimed in a blond mom from the row in front of us.

"The truth is she's laying low.  She used to sit with us..."

****

The air was humid from the pool and hot tub.  All the moms sat off to the side watching the kids run and jump  from hot to cold and back again.  The dads had their backs to the pool watching a game of knee hockey in an adjacent hallway.  Everyone had big plastic cups to hide alcohol from the children and hotel managers.  The bottles were stowed in towel bags and even silk planters around the pool.

It was tournament weekend and the Saturday game ended at 3:00 p.m., that meant drinking time around the pool was starting early.  The hot dampness of the room aiding the effectiveness of the alcohol.  Around 9:00 p.m.  Johanna turns to me and says "Alice, when was the last time you were laid?"

The problem with alcohol is how warm you feel.  You forget that you are actually experiencing burn.  As it glides down your throat and straight to your veins you have a comforting feeling.  Comfortable enough to ask and even answer personal questions you would be appalled at under other circumstances.

"Longer than I care to admit."

"I thought as much.  Why not hook up with Bill?"

"Bill?"

"Why not.  You're both single.  I would be on that if I were available."

I looked at Bill thoughtfully.  I had never considered him before.  Did we even have any thing in common, other than each with a son in hockey?

"Cause he looks like a caveman."

Johanna looked over.  You could tell by the way her eyes changed that he suddenly became less attractive for her viewing.  Turning back to me she whispered "Is that why the ladies nicknamed him Kennewick Man?"

I nodded, thankful to be off that subject.  I would rather hear the hockey mom talk of early hours or expensive equipment, hell, I would rather talk about mortgages than my sex life.

"I'm not saying marry him.  Just do something crazy.  Just one night.  Let me live life vicariously through you.  The boys are passed out watching a movie in my room.  Just leave them and go have some fun."

You could tell Johanna was the woman who convinced people to do stupid things for her entertainment.  What did she care about my sex life?

As though it was decided she picked up her wine tote bag and trotted off toward her hotel room.  Everybody seemed to migrate at once toward their respective rooms, almost by design, leaving me and Bill.

I could do worse, and it had been a long time.  Shit, we were both adults.  We would not get weird at events or try to make tonight something it was not.

I shook my head and tried to clear it.  I was not considering this.  He was so... Kennewick man.

"Join me?"  His voice beckoned from the hot tub.  What was the harm in that?  I grabbed my plastic cup of wine and slid into the scorching water.

There is a reason alcohol and hot tubs do not mix, and yet are inextricably linked so that you cannot have one without the other.  My head was swimming and I felt sleepy.  A hand on my knee.  Mine?  No definitely not mine.  A small caress.  Like my body to the temperature in the water, I began to adjust to the slow advances being put on me.

Swimsuit were stretched and pulled to make room for what we had in mind.  It makes you wonder if the stretchy material was invented for the sole purpose of hot tub sex.

We kissed as bubbles popped and fizzed from the top of the water.  I felt that ache and longing, a drive within me to take control and that is where I wish everything stopped.  Sex in water is not great.  It is dry, scratchy and uncomfortable.  Like a tampon.  I had forgotten, but you keep going the entire time wondering how long this act has to last.

After we were done, it was awkward right away.  I don't know what came over him.  He dumped his beer in the hot tub, crumpled the can then threw it in the water too.

"What are you doing?"  I asked him.

He smiled back.  Apparently they do not have a dye to indicate urine in the water, so I am adding beer to make it yellow.

I jumped out, still adjusting my bathing suit.  Was he fucking kidding me?  A bad lay and he peed on me?  He laughed at his own marvel so righteously.  I grabbed a towel and ran to my room for several hot showers with complimentary lemon scented soap.

****

"So the next day I get a call from the front desk.  Somebody has poured beer in the hot tub, left the can and everything.  Surveillance video shows the last people leaving were Alice and Bill.  They were going to charge the coach, what else could I do?  I brought them down to the front desk and demanded they pay the damages."

"Alice had sex with Kennewick Man?"  hissed the blond mom.

"Which is Kennewick Man?" asked the new mom.

The blond pointed toward the group of dads.  One stood out as having an oddly shaped head and low eye brows. 

"Ah.  Why is he not ostracized and she is?"  asked new mom.

"She could sit with us.  She chooses to sit over there and pretend to read a book never turning the pages."