The Sin and The Sun

Part 6: Nostalgia

***Jun's POV

The wind hugs her like a perfect fitting dress and the sea air makes her hair curlier than ever. I wonder if she knows how beautiful she is. She's talking about a fight she had with her mom and how she ended up here at this bluff. The more she goes on the more I want to know about her. I don't know her pain, but I do wonder what's made her hate herself so much. Actually, the way she hates herself makes me want to love her, beyond her senses. Savi hides her pain behind anger and never fully lets anything go. She has so many things to love about herself, maybe I can show her them. If she lets me...

Hearing her talk about why she chooses to hurt herself reminded me of Matty. He always hated that I called him that but I had adored him and admired him since we were kids; calling him Matty was like saying I loved him without having to ever say it. Matty and I grew up together, we were closer than family, and we never did anything without the other. He was two years older than me and so he got to high school before I did. But once we were both in the same school again we set the world on fire like never before. We cared about nothing other than each other and always had each other's backs. He was truly a brother I never had.

I miss him.

I wanted to tell Savi about him so badly, but right now wasn't the time for that. While empathizing with her I couldn't help but picture the last time I saw him, my tears came without warning. Savi had rested her head on my shoulder, not saying a thing and I wanted to stay in that moment for the rest of my life.

Montaña De Oro, gosh what a beautiful place. The sun shines in all the right places and the air is crisp and clean. What more could I ask for on a day off? As we were walking along the beach I noticed she wasn't beside me, I turned back to her only to notice she was taking pictures of me. "Savin, what are you doing way back there?" I motioned her to come and she ran to my side with a smile I've never seen her wear before. She's always trying so hard to be careful of the emotions she shows. Granted, she and I have not known each other long but I feel as if I've known her all my life. I wonder what's brought her to me and what's brought me to her.

Will she ever stop trying to push me away? Will she ever fully open up? Will she even let me love her? Most importantly, will she ever love herself?

***Savin's POV

"Gosh, it really is a beautiful day. I don't think it was even this nice when I first stumbled upon it. So... I have another place in mind that we should visit if you're willing to go. Down?" I felt unusually shy about asking for more of his time, but I really wanted to drag out this day as much I could. "Sounds good. Where we going now?" he asked. I giggled and my cheeks felt warm, "San Luis Obispo, it's got tons of great bars all within walking distance of each other. I went there once for a music video gig. Let's get going." We headed back towards the parking lot and once we reached the top Jun grabbed my hand and mumbled something. "Oh... I'm sorry, did you say something?" He was looking down at his feet embarrassed. "I said, you're... quite wonderful. Quite beautiful, I mean. I meant to say beautiful." He was looking right at me now. My first instinct was to punch him, I pushed his shoulder instead and said, "Hey don't get corny on me now. We're having a nice day. Don't ruin it by trying to be cute with me!" I laughed and winked at him. This moment made me realize that I truly have no clue how to handle intimacy or basic flirting for that matter, I mean most people say "Thank you", right? But NOOOOOO, not me, leave it to Savin to be a major bitch all the time. Jun seemed to have realized what I was trying to say and continued walking, only he didn't let go of my hand this time, and I didn't try to let go either.

San Luis Obispo was a little over thirty minutes away so we arrived in no time. It was sprinkling but the streets were filled with people. Bars and restaurants were lit up, loud, and busy as ever. The first bar we walked into was called The Libertine, it had a small merch shop, a long bar top, a chalkboard that took up an entire wall, and a game room with a piano inside. We decided to try a few IPAs on the menu that neither of us heard of before. Who knew he'd even be into the same beer as me? After a few rounds, we walked over to the game room with our drinks in hand and sat at the piano. I was feeling ever so inspired at the moment, the rain had started pouring outside, and I was just a little beyond buzzed. Jun began to play something I never heard of before and the poet in me was itching to create. "I... never thought of... rainy days and piano plays... in a city, I've never been to before." I started to recite a poem from my heart as if it was something I had written before. Words were coming from me like God was telling me to do so. Jun looked at me with a smile so grand it made me believe for a second that I could die happy and satisfied in this moment. We both continued to create, completely consumed by the alcohol and the true artist within us. Soon we heard laughter from a large group of people who entered the game room, we chose to quiet down and soon finished our beers.

Heading out of the bar, I could see the harsh wind hitting the trees telling me a big gust was coming. I turned around quickly to avoid being hit in the face by debris and ended up with my face dead center of Jun's chest. I looked at him surprised and embarrassed. He had his hands on both of my shoulders laughing at me. I took a step back in hesitation, every time he was close to me I felt like I would collapse. My palms get sweaty, my knees feel like they'd give out any second, and my stomach starts to flip. I haven't felt anything like this in a very long time. Not since I started college to be exact, and before that, not since the first time I performed on a stage. We continued walking around the city in the light rain, "How long have you been playing the piano?" I asked him. "Hmmm.... A little over 10 years now. It was my first instrument and I fell in love with it. Quite like how you feel about whiskey." I laughed, he remembers my first love. "That's really awesome. What got you to play it?" I said, his face quickly turning to a frown. Jun spotted an ice cream shop, "Oooh! Let's get some ice cream?" I nodded in agreement. I feel bad, seeing Jun's dimples were always a highlight for me. But I did something that made them disappear and I didn't have the courage to ask why.

We ended up at another bar with a stage, soon a band started to come and set up. Jun looked over and looked back at me saying, "Looks like it's band night here. Dope." I looked over to see what he was talking about and without a second thought, I grabbed his hand and dragged him closer to the stage. "I fucking love live bands. Especially when I don't know them. Discovering new music is a whole ass other level of euphoria." I shouted at Jun, the band was doing a soundcheck. I was so excited for the show about to happen, live music for me was just as good as being high. I turned to look at Jun who was now directly behind me and saw that a crowd had formed filling the rest of the bar up. I didn't notice his height until now, but gosh he was tall, had to be at least six feet. I looked up at him a little nervously as he smiled at me and bent down to whisper in my ear, "Don't worry. I'll protect you." I have no clue how he knew but he figured that the large crowd made me feel uncomfortable.

The lead singer came up to the front and said, "HELLO DRUNK FRIENDS AND FAMILY!! How we doing tonight??!!" The room was screaming and I looked around at all the smiling red-cheeked faces. It felt like heaven, I was having the time of my life. He continued on to introduce the band, "Well we are Wolf Rage and we promise to satisfy all of your heavy metal needs!" the crowd was going wild again. I shifted around to look up at Jun and met his smiling face. I couldn't hear anything else in this moment except my heartbeat and his breathing. The room was absolutely silent despite the moshing and the band screaming at the top of their lungs. Jun looked down at me with a soft smile, placed a hand, at the top of my head, to run his fingers through my hair and down to my chin. I thought he was going to kiss me, I waited, and instead, he gave me a small peck on my forehead. The sound suddenly came rushing back to me and I began to jump around with the rest of the crowd.

I was having the time of my life and for the first time in forever, I didn't want to run away.