a/n
a few time skips :)
—
that night in my dorm i don't get a wink of sleep. i couldn't, not with everything that's happening. i know that dracos obviously hurting, he needs me to be there for him. but how am i supposed to be there for him when he can't see my face?
when the idea hits me i shoot up in my bed. i reach under my pillow and grasp blindly for my wand.
"lumos," i mumble. light pours out of my wand, just enough for me to see my bedside table. on the surface lays a quill and paper. i quickly pick up the quill and place the paper on my lap. i devise my plan; it's not the greatest, but it will work. it should work.
fuck, i hope it works.
once i'm happy with what i've written, i tear the paper into pieces, placing them in a neat pile in the drawer of my nightstand. i exhale deeply, feeling a bit calmer.
☆
i rush to muggle studies the next day, praying that i make it there before draco. i sigh in relief when i see that his seats empty.
i reach into the pocket of my robe, pulling out the paper that i place in there earlier. i fold it in half and place it on his desk before retreating to my own.
i watch as draco enters the classroom, he's careful as to not look my way as he reads the note.
you
the paper reads. i watch him as he tries to decipher the word, his eyes squinting with confusion.
☆
in care of magical creatures i ensure that i'm standing beside draco as hagrid feeds the baby antipodean opaleye. i kneel down and feign tying my shoes. while doing so, i grab the next note out of my pocket, slipping it into dracos shoe. i tap my finger against his ankle once to let him know that it's there.
could
this note reads, he'll choose to read it later.
☆
during dinner i feel elated, my plan is absolutely foolproof. i fold up the next note into a pepper crane before levitating it towards the slytherin table. i drop it on blaise's head, draco watches from across from him as blaise opens it.
act
i see blaise say aloud, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. he shrugs, throwing the paper over his shoulder.
☆
i see draco standing outside of the muggle studies classroom before i enter.
"zabini," he sneers. it doesn't matter whether he's a git to my face, as long as he doesn't show any sort of weakness.
draco must understand a bit of my plan, as he waits a few minutes before entering the classroom.
the note i placed reads:
as if
☆
it takes a week for me to deliver the rest of the notes, in the end they read:
you could act as if you hate me when in public, just don't look at me in private.
the final note is more cryptic, i pray that he gets it. the parchment is covered with poorly drawn stars and planets, as well at '8pm' scrawled in the bottom corner.
☆
by six o'clock im anxiously pacing in my room, picking at my cuticles. today i decided to wear a periwinkle dress that hugs my body nicely, it's a shame draco won't be able to see all of me.
"dude, just go already," jules voice floats from across the room. "you act like he's not gonna show up two hours early anyways, you might as well be there together." i huff, she's always right.
the halls are deserted as i make my way toward the astronomy tower, i try to keep my footsteps light so as to not gain the attention of any professors.
the stairs up to the tower seem like they never end, but that might just be my anxiety talking. when i finally reach the top i exhale; the view never ceases to amaze me.
dracos sitting against a pillar over to my right, he was prepared. he faces away from the entranceway, looking down over hogsmeade. a take a seat beside him, conjuring a blanket to cover us. the snow is starting to melt at hogwarts, i can see the giant squid trying to break the thick layer of ice that covers the lake.
i hear the sound of scratching on paper before i see draco writing. he passes over a note.
we can talk, just as long as we don't
talk about you know what
i smile at his note, unsure of what to say. i'm not sure if there's any words that could convey how i feel.
i sympathize for him, and i'm also angry at him. everything he's done he's done to protect me, and i'm unbelievably grateful for him. yet i'm so pissed at him too.
instead of talking, i place a smack upside the back of his head. he chuckles softly, rubbing at it gently.
"i guess i deserved that," his voice is deep and rough. i decide i can't wait any longer. before i can do anything rash, he speaks.
"close your eyes," he whispers. i nod my head gently, letting them flutter shut. nothing happens for a moment, i'm about to peek when i feel his hand cup my chin. his thumb rests softly against my cheek, i feel the cool metal of his rings test against the crook of my neck.
he slots our lips together, sighing softly as he glided our lips together. i take the lead, nipping softly at his bottom lip. he chuckles in disbelief before nipping back, tugging on my bottom lip. i gasp softly and he slips his tongue into my mouth.
"i've missed you," he mumbles against my lips before pulling away. i gasp as i'm struck with an idea.
"keep your eyes shut." i pull back so that we're face to face. he can't look at me, but that doesn't mean i can't look at him.
i push his shoulders back against the wall, throwing my leg over his lap so that i'm straddling him. he's skinnier than usual, his face seems extra pointy. i trace my thumb over his cheekbone, feeling it jut out against my skin. there's deep dark circles under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping much. i trail my hand upward and tangle it in his hair. his hair was once shiny and soft, it's now brittle and dull. i want to cry for him, knowing that whatever's happening with his aunt must be killing him.
i sigh, leaning my head forward and tucking it into the crook of his neck. inhaling, i'm met with the comforting scent of mint and green apples.
fuck, i've missed him.
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