Being Alive: A The Queen's Gambit Story

Chapter Three

A few weeks into Benny and Beth's new normal, she brings up having him come and help coach the high school team with her. He agrees to go to one practice, but by the time the Tuesday night practice comes, they are in their first big fight post-Russia. Benny was getting anxious about being away from New York for so long and Beth couldn't understand why, asking him how he could possibly prefer his glorified bomb shelter over Kentucky. Her back was turned to him when she said it and she missed the flash of hurt on his face. By the time she turned around he had already recovered, gaining some anger in the interim, and shot back, "I can't just stay here and play boyfriend. Not everyone can rest on their laurels, Beth."

She was pissed, and when he thought back on it all, rightfully so, but he was too stubborn to back down. She squared her shoulders and said, "Fine, then go back to New York. I don't need you here."

"Fine. I don't need you either."

They both were lying, but neither was willing to call the other's bluff. That night, Benny slept on the couch and was considering leaving, but he was supposed to meet her team the next day and he didn't want to disappoint the students. If he told Cleo this, she would have reminded him that he never cared about students before, so maybe it wasn't really them he didn't want to disappoint. But, Cleo wasn't there so he kept with his story.

The next morning, Benny considers apologizing but then she meets him with an icy good morning and his sour mood returns to match hers. Yeah, he had been a jerk but she wasn't blameless, either. New York meant something to him and the fact that she couldn't see that bothered him. Besides stiff exchanges during the day, Benny largely ignores his housemate until she steps in front of him, clad in a white coat of hers that was always his favorite, and says, "We should go now."

Beth drives them out to the high school, trying to ignore the way Benny fidgets beside her in the car. He keeps changing the radio station. Adjusting the heat. Finally, when he is so distracting she nearly rolls through a stop light, she smacks his hand and says, "Stop it."

"It's 20 degrees in here."

"Yeah, well, maybe if you stop messing around with the heater it can actually do its job."

He doesn't say anything, but his hands stay on his lap for the remainder of the drive. Beth parks the car, briefly checking her makeup in the rearview mirror before stepping out and closing the door behind her. Benny follows, feeling like a reluctant shadow as they walk through the school. Before they get to the room, she stops abruptly and turns to him.

"I know you're pissed at me, but please don't take it out on them. They're good kids."

Benny's surprised because Beth never struck him as someone who would have particular interest in the younger generation, but he can tell that her request is genuine.

"Okay," he says with a nod.

Beth closes the distance between them and the room, peeling off her gloves and stuffing them into her pocket. The group of kids had been talking raucously, but they go quiet when Beth and Benny walk into the room. Having spent time with them before, Beth knows this is more due to Benny, than her. She may be a grandmaster, but Benny is still the rock star.

They go over some planned openings for the day, and then the kids start playing, Benny and Beth walking around the room and commenting on the play. At one point, Beth looks over at Benny. He is crouched down next to a pair of students, emphatically pointing to the board while the two students listen in rapture. Benny feels her gaze and looks up, but she had already looked away.

At the close of practice, one of the girls raises her hand and says, "Ms. Harmon, we were all sort of hoping we could see you and Mr. Watts play part of a game?"

"You were?"

The entire class nods enthusiastically and Beth looks over at Benny, who shrugs. One of the nearby pairs gives up their table and Beth sits down, watching as Benny does the same and then picks up two chess pieces, enclosing them in his palms under the table and then raising his hands. Beth points at his left hand and he holds her gaze as he opens his palm.

A white queen.

She takes the piece and quickly sets up her half of the board while Benny does the same. He reaches over and starts her clock. Beth doesn't hesitate before opening with the Sicilian Defense. She starts his clock. Benny smiles slightly before making his next move with equaled precision. They know this dance well, and they play it through until she moves a rook unexpectedly. He leans forward surveying the board, his eyes darting across the 64 squares. After a moment, he glides his pawn across the board and she makes her next move without hesitation. It goes on much like this for the next thirty minutes and Beth feels her heart ache. If only it was this easy outside of the game.

They hadn't intended on playing out the entire game, but one move bleeds into the next, and not a single student moves. They're in the endgame now, and Beth is disconcerted to see that Benny has a clear path to victory and she doesn't have many options. She moves her bishop and he looks up at her, his eyes stuck on her like a broken record. After a moment, he looks back down at the board and deftly moves his rook to E4.

It's the wrong move. He had to have known that, and when she glances over at him, she can clearly see that he does. She stares at him with confusion. Benny Watts did not throw games. Even games as inconsequential as this, and as the significance of the gesture settles she is so struck that she almost begins to cry.

"We should call it a night," Beth says, furtively wiping at her nose.

There is a chorus of displeasure, and one of the better players says, "But you're only six moves from check-mate!"

"I will see you all next week," Beth says, standing up. One of the students asks if Benny came come back then, and Beth looks over at him as he says, "I think that can be arranged."

The students are ecstatic and they pepper Benny with questions as she pulls on her coat. They leave together and when they get to her car, she walks around the hood to him and wraps her arms around waist.

"I'm really sorry about what I said," he murmurs against her hair.

"Me too. I understand if you want to go back to New York. But, this is my home."

"I know," he says, closing his eyes as she presses her face into the crook of his neck. "We'll figure it out."

Someone laughs near them, the sort of laugh that tries to be smothered against a hand but fails, and Beth pulls away, noticing a group of students watching them.

"I have a feeling they're going to have different questions next week," Benny says.