Being Alive: A The Queen's Gambit Story

Chapter Nine

After Las Vegas, Benny flies back to Kentucky with Beth to spend a week with her. Cal had promised to look after their mother, and he called every night with an update. Benny shared the news of his and Beth's marriage to Cal, and he said, "I'm going to not tell Mom you guys eloped in Vegas. We shouldn't give her another reason to drink."

Both Beth and Benny agreed to not tell anyone about the pregnancy until she was farther along. Their first order of business when they returned to Kentucky was to see a doctor, and he explained to them the risks in the first trimester. Beth was surprised, and somewhat relieved, to feel that even with her doubts about being a mother, the thought of losing the baby was unbearable. Maybe she was more normal than she thought.

One afternoon, they go to Ben Snyders to pick up clothes. Beth wants, more than needs, a new dress and Benny finally admits that it's time to replace his leather duster.

"I'll meet you over by the coats," Beth says, going off to find herself a new dress first. She runs her hand along the various fabrics, feeling the familiar thrill. This is her favorite part about shopping. The moment before, when the opportunities seem endless. Her attention focuses on a camel-colored dress with black and white color blocks. The shape is not something she would usually wear, but her eyes follow the geometric shapes in an almost sort of wonder. She picks it up and turns toward the long mirror, holding the dress against her frame. Behind her in the mirror, she sees an old classmate looking at a rack of maternity dresses.

"Margaret?"

The woman looks up, recognition replacing confusion as she says, "Beth. It's so nice to see you." She steps forward, pushing the stroller in front of her. The small blonde baby that Beth had seen before had grown into a toddler. The young girl looks at Beth inquisitively before losing interest.

"How are you?" Margaret asks.

"I'm good." She looks down at Margaret's bulging stomach. "How far along are you?"

Margaret smiles, her hand on her belly, and says, "It feels about twenty years, but eight months. I swear you get bigger faster with your second pregnancy. I looked ready to deliver after two months."

Beth nods, having no frame of reference with which to respond. She remembers the bag of liquor that had been stashed under her stroller before, and asks, "What's it like? Being a mother?"

Margaret smiles placidly and says, "Well, it's the best job in the world."

It sounds like a line, but then the toddler starts to squirm and Margaret leans forward, playing with her daughter in a way that makes Beth think that maybe it hadn't been a line, at all. She watches Margaret wiggle her fingers in front of the toddler's face and remembers all the times back in high school when she had yearned for her approval. Yearned to be normal.

Abruptly, Beth says, "I'm pregnant."

Margaret looks up at her, and then down at her bare ring finger. She and Benny still hadn't gotten around to getting actual rings. Beth puts her hand behind her back.

"Congratulations. How far along are you?"

"Only about a month," she says.

Margaret tilts her head to the side and her eyes scan over Beth's frame. "Yes, I can tell you're going to be one of those women who only shows from the side. I swear every part of me inflates whenever I'm pregnant."

It isn't particularly funny, but Beth laughs anyway. Benny walks over, sans a new coat, and smiles congenially at Margaret before Beth says, "This is my husband, Benny."