you and i | harry styles

7: im not ready

i hadn't spoken to harry or nadia in a week. i'd been off my phone and in a fucking depression. i didn't know what to do. harry and i had kissed, nadia had broken up with me and had hurt me so badly, harry raised his voice at me...it was all so awful.

i hadn't showered in a week. i was just sitting on my bed doing nothing. i'd called in sick everyday for work but i think my manager knew very well my mental health had fucking hit - life was not IT. i needed harry but what could i do? he ALWAYS knew how to help - we knew each other inside out.

"knock knock" i looked to my left to see my best friend standing in the doorway holding something. "i hope you're doing okay. i uh...got you something" he handed me a panic! at the disco t shirt - like the one nadia cut up. i fingered the gorgeous clothing item in awe. 

"im sorry about what happened - me getting mad and raising my voice" he paused. "im not sorry for kissing you though"
i looked up at him. "ive wanted to kiss you for a few months now but i kept pushing the feelings away. and when you said what you said last night i...lost control" he was blushing slightly.

oh god. harry had a crush on me.
and i wasn't sure if i liked him back.

"harry" i croaked out. he looked at me. i struggled to get words out but he was patient with me.
"i think i like you" i admitted. "but im worried i-its just because of what happened with nadia"
"hey its okay" he sat in front of me and clasped my hands with his. "if you need some time to think and find your feelings its okay"
"b-but i'll miss you" i said in a small voice, tears filling my eyes. harrys eyes were full of sadness.

"who says i'm going anywhere?" he kissed my forehead gently and gave me a long best friend hug. i started crying on my poor best friend and he comforted me and calmed me. "im always here, okay?" he whispered in my ear. he pulled away and wiped away my salty tears with his thumbs. "c'mon lets get you dressed"

i used to get really bad depression days and harry would be there for me - as i would for him when he wasn't doing okay. i hadn't been this bad in a while and it was scary. but my best friend ran me a shower and picked out some clothes for me before he carried me into the bathroom. he never minded which shocked me - he was always open to look after me.

after i stood under the shower for a few minuets and brushed my teeth, i dried myself and got into the white t shirt, black printed cami dress and black fluffy socks. harry dried my hair while i put on some eye liner and mascara and blusher. i wanted his hands to never stop touching my hair. i wanted him so bad but i had a bad habit of taking things too fast so i knew i had to go slowly i had to recognise my feelings properly. i did see harry more in a romantic point of view but i needed a few days to properly figure this all out.

we soon headed downstairs, awkward tension between us. i kept fidgeting with my hands but harry held one of them on the way to the kitchen and didn't let go. i saw he'd brought me some breakfast, the angel.
"this is so fucking awkward" i broke the silence.
"it really is" he responded.

we let go of each other and went to eat in the living room. we sat on the sofa having a friend cuddle, watching cartoons. things finally felt okay. until

"im not ready for another relationship" i blurted out. harry paused the show and gave me his full attention.
"things with nadia were so scary a-and im just not sure i can fully commit to anything for a while" i admitted.
"its okay. whatever we decide to do will turn out okay" he planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "im proud of you for making this decision"

i wanted to kiss his lips so badly. it was like the drug i needed to make me feel the euphoria i longed for.
"can i kiss you?" i asked nervously.
harry smiled shyly. "you may"