I said I hate you but I suppose that's me convincing myself to not care. It's funny how your words induce empty space within my brain, a realm that contains no empathy or mercy. How your threats are so easy overlooked is a blessing that my mind wrapped into reality.
I've come to find that it is the tiny things that make me worry about you. How foolish am I? Claiming I hate someone but caring so deeply even the smallest of things make me want to reach out and ask if you're ok.
How dumb I must've been to so easily blow you off. Because now I wonder if you truly have no one who listens and cares. If you now believe the world holds no light and is an abyss loneliness and your only will is to survive.
I hurt myself today, not only by overthinking but for thinking about you throughout the day. And I won't lie, all I want is for these thoughts to go away. Because what we had wasn't love, even though you and I may have felt it. Our relationship was a space filled with negativity and emptiness that both of us tried so deeply to fill but could never achieve it.
Saying all of this I implore you, insult me more, send threats and hate messages, make me hate you because I want to get out of this foolish deluded fantasy you created. Make me mad, do something. Because I don't want to feel this bit of emptiness in my chest.
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Personal Literature
RandomI use writing as an outlet when I'm feeling negatively. This is to store all my pieces and maybe it will inspire you to help navigate through your emotions using outlet writing.
