Soul Watch

Chapter 7

"Oh, god, this feels so good," Poppy said as she dipped her legsinto the Jacuzzi. Wearing a pair of stilettos the whole day wasn't easy,but she sure did it.

We were at Carwyn's house for an afterparty. Carwyn's housewas lavish, to say the least; he had a heated indoor pool and outdoorpool, along with a Jacuzzi and a sauna. When we stared at the pools, hewaved us off and told us that this was what his father's business. He wasthe inventor of the heated system in pool systems. Now, his mom wasrunning the business. His house was three stories high, and we countedseven bathrooms, nine bedrooms, and an actual arcade in his basement.We decided to go to the outdoor pool so we could enjoy thecoolness of the summertime. Torrey, being him, immediately took off hisshirt for a cannonball into the pool. Carwyn laughed in delight at thesight of Torrey plunging into the pool. Unlike us, Carwyn found Torreyhilarious, and usually, was the only one that was genuinely amused withhis antics. We sat around the Jacuzzi, our feet soaking up the coolingwater while Torrey did a series of laps in the pool.

"That was a great party," Monique said to Crysta and Carwyn."Your cousins were so cute. I wished either of them was my soul mate."Monique sighed."I second that. We could get one each." Leah laughed, nudgingMonique.

Carwyn laughed a throaty chuckle. "You'll never know untilyour soul watches ticks down to the last second." He winked at them asthey were still on cloud nine, thinking about his twin cousins.Crysta snuggled close to Carwyn, and he looked at her. Theireyes met, and immediately, he shrugged off his blue hoodie and draped itover Crysta's shoulders, as if they spoke through just their eyes. He thenwrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. Crysta breathed outdeeply and leaned on him in contentment.Torrey popped his head up from the water suddenly, makingLeah jump. "Man, this pool is amazing. Your dad was a genius, Carwyn.I swear," Torrey said as he got up and dumped himself in the middle ofthe Jacuzzi.

Carwyn laughed. "Yeah, he was really pretty awesome...cameup with so many ideas each day. My mom and I couldn't even keep up.""How does your mom do it?" Crysta whispered under her breath.All of us looked at her. "How does she face every day with a bigsmile when part of her soul is missing?"Everyone went silent, even noisy Torrey just sat and lookeddown at the water. Monique, Leah, and Poppy were waiting forCarwyn's answer because they knew that when your soul mate died, partof you did too.

Carwyn pressed Crysta against him and answered, "The firsttime she heard about it, I can't even describe to you the excruciating painon her face. She was in so much pain that I cried when I saw her face.She cried every minute for months. Even now, she still cries herself tosleep. I still hear her sobbing when I walk past her room. My dad tookaway a part of her soul even after he left earth. She was never the sameagain." Carwyn closed his eyes."Each time I look at her, I feel as though something or someoneis missing from her. She tries to hide it, her anguish. She's too kind tonot want to share her pain with anyone, but a part of her died when hedid, and I couldn't do anything to ease her pain." His eyes were glazedover as he stared at the glint of the moon reflecting off the water.Crysta squeezed his thigh, and he looked at her. Even throughhis tears, you could see the love in his gaze, the way he looked at her asif nothing else in the crowded room mattered. "I have no idea how shedoes it. I would go crazy. Even now, I can't imagine how I went aboutmy life before I met you," Crysta said as she looked at him. "If anythingwere to happen to you..." Crysta trailed off, as even the thought of losingCarwyn was already too much to think about.

Everyone was deep in thought, and I was the only one feeling thepain suddenly, as I looked at Carwyn and Crysta. He kissed her on theforehead as he wrapped both arms around her, and it hit me. It felt so rawlike an open wound picked clean, scraped clean of the skin and theexposed flesh subjected to the elements. The sudden realization hit meharder and more painful than a battering ram. That gaze, that affection,the way they only looked at each other as if they were the only ones inthe world even in a roomful of people, I was never going to get that kindof love.

Even what Carwyn's mom felt when she lost her soul mate, Iwas never going to feel it because I don't have one. Everything thencame rushing back to me like I was emerging from diving into coldwater. Crysta meeting Carwyn for the first time; the completeness themoment their eyes met; their effortless way they held hands simply whenthey started walking; the way they leaned into each other like a jigsawpuzzle being finished and the way the world grew into oblivion whenthey kissed; Torrey's speech on love and how one will only know thetrue feeling of it, what it is when they meet their soul mate—I wasn'tgoing to get any of that. I wasn't going to feel any of that. I wasn't goingto see anyone's soul the moment our eyes met nor get a kiss on myforehead at midnight when I wake up from a nightmare. Nothing wasgoing to be reason enough to hold me to the ground. I never honestly feltanything because I had never witnessed any of these, but now, I just feltempty from witnessing what I could never have.Tears were already pooling in my eyes, threatening to fall, and Iquickly got up. "Excuse me," I said as I quickly walked back into thehouse and into the bathroom, not taking a second to glance back.I locked the door and pushed my back against it as I slowly sliddown, my tears already falling like a torrent waterfall as I sobbed andsobbed like I never did before. My hand clutched my chest as I felt thepain threatening to crush it. I gasped like a fish out of the water as I feltshort of breath. My chest felt like an iron bar was pressing down on it. Itwas so excruciating. When was it going to stop? I felt I was mourning forsomeone that didn't exist. I felt I was losing someone I didn'thave...because I didn't have a soul mate nor was I going to get one. Thefeeling that sunk into me the day at the aquarium didn't diminish itself.Like ink, it was just getting darker and darker each time I saw Crysta andCarwyn until it leaked right out of the paper onto the other side. And thisis where it landed me.

Someone knocked on the door. I immediately muffled my sobs,pressing my shirt against my mouth."Sweetie? Are you okay?" Helia's voice came from behind thedoor.I tried to keep my voice steady as I replied, "I'm fine, just need amoment."I breathed out deeply as I thought she had walked away, but hervoice came through from the other side. "Want to talk about it, honey?"A breath escaped my lips. The pain wanted a way out somehow,clutching my chest as a fresh round of tears sprang at her question. Iwould never in a million years let anyone see me like that, a pile ofemotional, blubbering wreck. Yet, I felt my hand reaching up to thedoorknob and unlocking the door as I moved out just enough for Helia toslide through.I didn't even need to say anything. I simply looked up at herfrom my tear-stained vision, standing over me."Oh, honey," was all she had said before she sat down next tome as I curled myself into her and cried again. The mask of twelve yearsof not caring, pretending not to feel anything, and merely pushing awaywhatever feelings I had about not having a soul mate finally slipped offand crumbled like broken porcelain into dust. I was raw and open, andthe repressed feelings of twelve years came pouring out.Why I was sobbing into the expensive cardigan of a woman Ihad just met today was beyond my comprehension, but I only knew it feltso solacing like being handed a warm cup of coffee on a rainy day. I felther cheek against my head as she said, "Just let it all out, honey. You'llfeel better." It was as if she knew what I was feeling without me tellingher, and she probably did, two years ago, maybe even right down to thismoment. Perhaps, she saw the pain in me that she had herself, and thatwas what I did. I cried harder and longer than I ever did in my life.Sometimes, the only thing you could do was admit defeat to the pain, letit take over you for a bit and just cry it out until you feel the last tear takethe sheer tortuous pain away from you.And I did, I leaned into Helia's arms and cried until I didn't feelanything anymore.