Soul Watch

Chapter 16

It was not only the sheer, solemn, almost grim tone of his voice but the words that I could never have imagined coming out of goofy Torrey's mouth that struck me like a bolt of lightning. Even his voice had taken on a deeper indication, low like the grinding of heavy rocks.

My eyes shot back to him like a bullet.

He had a somber face. His eyes seemed to be like the shadows cast down by the sun setting, and he stared at me without wavering, his gaze unforgiving and almost awkward.

Seconds went by as he sat, unmoving and silently watching me. I tossed around in my mind for a reply to the sudden statement, but all I could force out of my mouth was a shudder of breath with a "why" mixed in there somewhere.

Yet, he waited some more before he began to open his mouth, which was almost as torturous as his unyielding stare.

"You want this." When I frowned in confusion, he added, "A soul mate, love, forever. I've seen the way you look at Carwyn and Crysta. It's almost like hunger instead of wanting...the way you stare at them and look away. It's almost like you're trying to deny your own desire." He shook his head in contempt. Before I could even process what he had just said, he went on smoothly. "I know something happened that night at Carwyn's house. You looked almost broken when Helia handed you back to us—"

Something inside me crumpled up. "How did you know?" I whispered as the image of me curling up on the bathroom floor surfaced.

"I observe things...if you haven't noticed!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "I know I may not seem like I do." He threw a dirty look my way. "But I do. I notice everything. All the littlest details that you guys try to hide have always been clear to me." He huffed, and for the first time since he entered the room, he drew his eyes away from me and looked aside.

We sat in silence until he looked back at me his face drawn and tired. "What I really don't get is you, Pandora. I mean the universe practically hands you something that had you envying your best friend for, on a silver platter, and you being you, just have to pretend you don't want it! It drives me crazy!"

I opened my mouth to argue, my face heating up at the precipitous accusation. I felt blindsided as if I had been blindfolded and beaten on the back of the head with a bat. "What makes you think I'm pretending?" I seethed through gritted teeth. "What makes you so sure you know what I want?"

He looked at me, exasperated in disbelief.

"Your actions and words are contradicting. Why then would you bother to give a rat's hoot about anything that has happened at all? Why would you be moping around all week if you didn't bother or didn't care? Why do you look the way you do at Crysta and Carwyn? Why would you even feel anything if you didn't care? If you saw the way you had been acting since Crysta's Founding and hear the words coming out of your mouth right now, Pandora, you would know why I'm sure."

I could feel my face color with the heat of rage or the heat of embarrassment or shame. I wasn't sure, but I felt the defense mechanisms in my mind kick in at the moment I felt cornered by Torrey's words.

I could spare myself the trouble of replying, of not knowing what to say and have Torrey throw them back at me as if he was attacking me and just flee. I could just get out of the room and get off campus for a while. Or I could stay and face him head on, but that would only mean taking the shield I always had on when dealing with people or emotions off. It would mean being vulnerable and exposed, and that was such a terrifying prospect for me that without realizing, I had unconsciously already placed one leg off the bed.

Torrey noticed this and looked down at my one leg strategically placed on the floor and hissed. I saw how he looked when he was angry, and it wasn't pleasant. His eyes were now narrowed, and his bold eyebrows and lips were pushed down in a snarl. "You always do this! You get a whiff of someone trying to get to you emotionally, and you run like a coward. You push off caring and defend yourself so much because you don't want people to know you care, don't you? You want a soul mate, but you don't want to seem weak in wanting one." He now stood up on his knees, and his added weight pushed the mattress lower.