Build It Better

Author's note:

Set during "GA-S2-E06" "Into You Like A Train" and canon-divergent AU from there.

bobbiejelly

Build It Better

"Ow," you say as you try to insert your banana bag into your arm, which sounds vaguely dirty, but you know it actually isn't.

You really probably shouldn't have had half a bottle last night, or maybe it's still tonight, or tomorrow, either way, you're not certain, but you're certainly not uncertain you shouldn't have had eighteen shots of tequila at Joe's all at once.

You'd earned those though; seeing as your ex-boyfriend didn't come to get you and abandon his incredibly hot and leggy and fabulous wife for you.

Right.

You see, you know you're a vapid narcissist when you've had too many, but this is a whole other level of pathetic.

You see her walk down the hall when you walk into the hospital and you can't help but confirm in your head she really does look even better than Isabella Rosellini.

Even in those salmon-colored scrubs that suit her somehow so well.

The other day she came up to you, and whispered practically into your ear, "I don't want somebody who doesn't want me, Meredith..." And she was talking about Derek, and you were talking about Derek, but somewhere along the way, you started thinking about Addison.

You're not sure when you started thinking about her so much but you do.

You think about her all the time, how she walks, how she talks, how she carries herself.

You originally thought it was just jealousy, but now you think it's something else, because you obsess over her.

In your drunken state, you want to talk to her again, to comfort her, or have her comfort you. You see McDreamy as the enemy because he showed up late, or for you at least, hardly at all.

And at this point, you've had enough of people not showing up for you.

Your mother was hardly home, your father walked out of your life when you were five.

You know people care about you when they show up for you, and for now, you realize that that can't be said for Derek.

So now you're waiting for Addison secretly, because at least she's not a liar to you. So when Izzie shows up with an IV inserter you swat her away about ask for the other 'Doctor Shepherd,'.

"But I thought you were done with him?" Izzie asks innocently.

"Not him, I mean her. I want Addison, even if I think she's Satan's mistress or something."

"You want Derek's wife to come by?" Izzie asks you speculatively.

"Yeah, I mean, like no offense Izzie, but she's an Attending and you're just an intern, and I bet she'd be really great at putting my banana bag inside me," you ramble.

"Umm, Mer, that sounded kinda..." Izzie shifts uncomfortably.

"Kinky?" You offer.

"Umm," Izzie bites her lip.

"Yeah., It's kinda kinky. Whatever. I'm into kinky..." You offer.

Oof, you really are honest when you are drunk, aren't you?

"Umm, I'm going to walk away now..." you smile and laughs a little.

"Ooh! Send Addison over! Red rover, red rover!" You call out after her, and Izzie just laughs.