Oracles of Ice

Oracles of Ice 20

Two paces—exactly how close he was when he watched her breath being sucked from her lungs by the blue monster. To see Anya's body lifeless on the ground, her blood draining the color from her face as it leaked from the cut in her wrist—that had been painful enough. But to watch the tide creep up Gaielle's body and cover her head, as he raged on the rocks, trying to free her from death's icy grip—an agony he knew he wouldn't rebound from. Now, as the waters receded and her thawing form emerged with each moment that passed, he found himself drowning. Not in the ocean, but in emotion he couldn't even put a finger on. He didn't even know what he felt: rage, fear, pain, loss... None of them would describe his despair.

He stayed there as the waters moved out, holding her. He stayed when her neck thawed, and her face hung down into the current, propping her head up. He stayed as the level fell below that of her chest, her hair, still littered with icicles. He stayed until he saw movement in the water beneath and realized the Pelagians must have sent a search party for her after her escape. He wanted to remain, but his fear of what they would do to him if they saw him holding her outweighed his emotional need to care for her body after death. She was gone. There was nothing more he could do for her. He lifted a strand of hair and sliced it off with his sharp claw and dashed through the water across the rocks up the shore and into the pine.

There he stood, hiding behind a tree, and watched as four large mermen lifted themselves onto the rock and stared at Gaielle's half-frozen body. From the waist up she bent forward, lying limp across her bent legs, her skin tinted blue from lack of oxygen. Aethelfrith tore off down the path, growling and raging as he went. He hated himself. He hated everything he had become. He had ripped Anya away from her family and led her to her death. He had allowed his lust to rule his choices, taking advantage of the affection Gaielle had offered. She had given her life to save him, after he had taken everything and returned it with modest concern.

His fists slammed into trees and ripped branches off, using them as weapons to destroy more of the pine. His clothing hung in shreds from his body. He couldn't stop Anya from passing. He couldn't stop Iseult from slitting her wrists and offering her to the manipulation. He couldn't stop Gaielle from freezing herself just to save him. He felt to blame for every single event that had taken place—events that had cost him the two women he cared for more than life itself. Selfish... It was the only word he could think of. He had been selfish.

He ran until he could run no more, and when his energy gave out, he collapsed beneath a tree and stared up at the moon. The flags of Stanburh danced in the distance in its light. Mek would never see his mother again. The amount of pain the boy would go through was a crushing weight. Aethelfrith thought of how selfish he had been even to the boy, sending him off to ride a horse rather than spending time with him. He had been so preoccupied with the things of the kingdom, and the wooing of another woman, he had neglected his own son.

Tears came hot and fast, soaking the fur on his face. He cupped his hands around his muzzle and sobbed, feeling the claws on his fingers dig into his flesh. He had long forgotten about the wound on his side, though it screamed at him. He touched the tender skin and noticed the poultice Gaielle had packed in the deep gash had done its job. She was a healer; she knew what she was doing.

Then he opened his fingers and looked down at the lock of blue hair in his palm. The last trace of who she was, and the only tangible connection he would ever have with her again. His heart ached. He curled up into a ball under the pine and sobbed until he fell asleep. Nightmares gripped him, thoughts of being eaten alive by a monster that swam up the blood of his wife into his chest and suffocated him as it devoured his soul. When he tried to escape it, it clawed at his ankle and pulled him beneath the waves of blood, drowning him as he helplessly struggled for air.