NEVER2MUCH ; "Never Enough Sequel"

6 - All You Need 2 Know

I've been cautious of every little thing I do now. I guess I'm to the point now where I actually care. My humanity finally kicked in. I've been reading magazines, looking up articles, and doing the upmost research on infants and motherhood. I want to be hands on with my child until the end. I don't know what got into me but I haven't been thinking about Alex cause it seems all my mind can focus on now is my sweet baby boy who is brewing in my belly. Ever since Dr. K revealed that I will be having a son, I've been more than excited! I can't even cap, I'm happy. I get to raise a son and be a "boy-mom". Raise him to be a gentleman. A beautiful, black, educated, ambitious, successful young man who will treat people with respect and show him nothing but love and support. I told my mama, and soon as I did, she started online shopping all sorts of expensive brands for him. She's so extra but this will be her first grandchild who will be her grandson. Now I have to call my daddy and tell him.

"It's a boy, daddy," I smile, staring at my ultrasound picture.

"What?! A boy!! Yes!!! I'm going to have a grandson! Congrats babygirl," he exclaims.

"Thank you daddy!"

"How do you feel about it? Are you happy?"

"Actually, I am. I'm very excited. I don't know why, but I just feel so hopeful. I'm in a better space now. There were some things I didn't think about at first but now that I've opened my eyes, I've realized how he's truly a blessing. A gift from God for all the mess I've been through. I'm starting to see the bigger picture here. It all makes sense now," I vent.

"Well I'm just happy you're happy babygirl. God works in mysterious ways. I can't wait to meet my boy. Time to think of some names now."

"You're right. I'm going to get on that! Talk to you later?"

"Yes, sure baby girl. Talk to you later. I love you Kayla, and I'm forever proud of you."

"Thanks daddy, love you too. Bye," I hang up.

Wow, I'm having a son. Wow.....

Tonight, Wynter, Solei, Dawn, Chenal and I are supposed to be hitting up this lil' jazz club called "The Peppamint". Dawn's brother, Devin, will be performing with his band and I'm slick excited.

The first week of college hasn't been so bad. Everything is in my own timing and I love that. I know my way around campus so far, and I made sure to converse with at least 3 people from each of my classes. Once I build up more and more conversation, I will develop friends. More associated as, my key of passing these classes.

Of course I kept thinking about Alex, hell yes I do. I miss him like crazy but yet I'm trying so hard to be strong. But you just can't give up on someone you love. I know for a fact he misses me too. I just know he does! I always have the urge to hit him up and see what he's on, how he's doing, just checking on him ya know. That was my baby man, he literally did everything for me. He was perfect in my eyes and I miss that dick like crazy. These pregnancy hormones are something serious because I'm always thinking about SEX. Literally all day everyday and it's driving me insane. I hate to see a cute guy at school and boom, I'm literally lusting over any little body gesture like jaw clenching, veins in a nigga's half tatted arm with a tennis bracelet dangling off his wrist, a guy licking his nice sized lips, any seductive stare a nigga give me, the way he walks. One day in the cafeteria, I was literally lusting over a dude's voice. He was beside me in the salad line, and he spoke in a french accent. He had a beautiful smile, hazel eyes, and curly ass hair. I didn't know him and he surely didn't know me. I don't even know if he even looked my way but if only he knew the things I would've done to him in that moment, whew! 

Okay, enough of my lil' fast ass, that's what got me in this situation now. Always trying to fuck, but on to more important tingz! We're going to the Peppamint and no lie, I'm excited! I think tonight, I'm going to reveal to the girls that I'm pregnant. I don't know how but the cat will be out of the bag. I don't want to hide anymore, I'm with child and that's that!