Chasing Ashton

4

Ashton's POV

All I want to do is get closer to Calum. I want him to want me. I want to turn him and ask him out. But it'll be a lot of work, and writing.

"What would you say to me kissing you up and down?"

"What?" he asked.

"What!?" I exclaimed.

"What did you ask me?"

"Umm... what time is it?" I stalled.

"16:30," Calum answered.

Great. I've only been at his house an hour and I've got nothing. I scooted closer to him and "accidentally" placed my hand on top of his. He looked at me and flinched. His hand left the space under mine and I frowned sadly. He doesn't even want to hold my hand.

"What the fuck was that?" he scoffed.

I blushed and swallowed the hard lump in my throat. I tried to speak but no words came out.

"It was an accident," I managed to spit out.

"Oh," he said, relaxing a bit, then frowning sadly. "I'm sorry for freaking out. I just-"

"No, Calum. I-It's fine," I cut him off. "I think I need to leave."

He stood up after me quickly.

"Wait, Ash. Why are you leaving?"

"I, um, have an orthodontist appointment," I lied.

I ran out of Calum's bedroom and past his mum as fast as I could. I ran all the way home. My feet slapped the pavement, making my feet ache eventually. When I finally reached my front door, my shaky hands fumbled with the keys until I finally got the door open and I sprinted to my room. I slammed the door behind me and chucked my backpack at the corner of my room angrily. I was pissed at myself for being so careless. I sat down on my bed and burst into tears.

-

At lunch the next day, Calum kept giving me apologetic glances, making me blush each time. There seemed to be some tension between Luke and Michael, too. Everyone just remained silent and ate solemnly. It was awkward until Michael finally said, "Is someone going to grow a pair and talk or what?"

"Yeah," I said. "Calum, what's your life motto?"

"Mine is you are what you eat," Michael said.

Calum rolled his eyes and thought about my question.

"I don't know. Let me think," he sighed impatiently.

"Is it what you eat is what you are?" Michael mumbled to himself. "What you are is what you eat?"

"I think my motto is-"

"It's YOLO!" Michael shouted, interrupting Calum. "Yeah. That's my life motto."

"He wasn't asking you, Michael," Luke defended. Oh, shit, now he's sticking up for me. I felt sorry for not liking him back.

"I don't care, dumbshit!" Michael snapped, shoving Luke's shoulders. Luke fell off the bunch onto his bum and he sat staring up at me in shock. I quickly looked away. I couldn't help him and risk my chances- that are already so slim- with Calum. When he sat back down next to me, he looked down at his lap. He was pissed.

"I'm going to my locker. I forgot something," he mumbled and stood up so fast that his tray bumped upwards and the food flew.

I watched him stomp into the hallway and disappear, but not in the direction of his locker. Where was he going?

"Why don't you go after him?" Michael said to Calum and I.

"You're the one who pushed him," Calum said. "Why are you so mean to him?"

"Because he's an idiot," Michael replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'll go after him," I sighed, standing and walking out into the hallway in Luke's direction.

I decided to check his locker just in case he really did go there, but when I saw the hallway his locker was in empty, I knew he didn't go to his locker after all. So I picked up the pace and went down the hall and around the corner and to the bathrooms. When I opened the door, I saw Luke, his back turned to me, staring at himself in the mirror. He was sobbing hysterically and he wiped tears away with the back of his hand.

"The reason Ashton doesn't want you is because you're annoying, ugly, and fat," he told himself.

I waited behind the door, open a crack, listening in shock.

"He'll never love you as more than a friend. You know why, bitch? Because you're worthless," he snapped.

Then he broke into more sobs again. My heart got a sinking, aching feeling and before I could stop myself, I said, "Luke, that's not true."

He jumped and turned around. He suddenly looked embarrassed.

"You heard that?" he almost whispered.

I nodded slowly, biting my lip. He sat on the marble counter with the sinks by the mirror and let his legs dangle. He looked down at his lap shamefully. I sat next to him and patted his back, rubbing circles on it to calm him down. He took a deep shaky breath and rubbed his eyes.

"You're not ugly, fat, annoying, or worthless, Luke. Why would you think that?" I asked.

"Because it's obvious you like Calum who's so perfect and fit and funny. I'll never add up to him!" he sobbed.

"W-Who told you I liked Calum?" I asked nervously.

"Michael believes it. And you're making it pretty obvious. Asking him all these questions and trying to get closer to him. I was going to do my paper on you because I thought I could. Now, I don't even know what to do. Because every time I think of you, I think of you and Calum being a thing and I get so heartbroken. Before, I thought of you and I smiled so much because you made me so happy but now you like him more and I fucking feel empty. I'm not forcing you to like me, that's creepy, and I'm not telling you to not like Calum, that's rude, but..."

He stopped short and looked away towards the stalls.

"I'm sorry," he whispered so I almost couldn't hear him.

I turned his head to look at me and made him look me in the eye.

"It's okay, Luke. I'm not mad at you. I don't think you're any of those things. I may like Calum, but... it doesn't mean I'm going to end up with him. If I do, I won't make you feel left out or rub it in your face and who knows? Maybe it wouldn't work out."

"But you still wouldn't like me then either," he sighed. "I wouldn't like me either, Ash. Don't worry."

"Stop that," I snapped. "You're an amazing person, Luke Hemmings. Why can't you see that?"

"Y-You think I'm amazing?" Luke asked, tears welling in his eyes.

"If I didn't, would I do this?"

I pulled him in and hugged him as tight as I could without hurting him, and I felt him begin to sob. His body shook and whimpers were escaping his lips, but I held him until he stopped crying. When he did, he hid his face in my neck and I felt him smiling.

"Will you come back to lunch, Luke?" I asked.

He nodded and I helped him off the counter. I used my thumbs to wipe away the tear tracks. Then I lead him back to the cafeteria.

What have I done?