♡analogical♡ ●shitposts●

○30 days○ ◇¹/³⁰◇

Triggers: in detail self-harm and talk of of suicide gay fluff/angst mention of panic attacks inner transphobia/self-depreciation

(Quick note: Virgil is transgender, this is a very sad point of view, if you have experienced wanting to hurt yourself because dysphoria is so bad, please talk to a professional. I know talking to someone on the phone may be a bit scary, so here are some suicide text hotlines.

US: (833) 621-0587

UK: 85258

Canada: 686868

Australia: 0477131114

Youth line (US): 839863 (if you need help with anything, just text teen2teen to that number)

Another US: 741741 ( text HOME, and they will connect you to someone.)

Thanks you, and stay safe!)

°Logan P.O.V.°

I was taking a walk, as it is good for mental health, and could cause better reflexes, when I was walking along the bridge (wich was about 30 feet above the the water) I saw this boy: he was about 5'1, had headphones in, he wore ripped black skinny jeans, an over-sized hoodie, black Convers, he had obvious tear stains, due to the black make-up under his eyes, and foundation obviously 10 shades lighter than his skin tone. It looked like he was about to jump off, I immediately pulled him out of the way, running as fast as I could. "Are you okay?" I ask the younger boy. "No. Why would you do that!? Can't you let a guy have some peace!?" He yelled, trying to get out of my arms. "Why would I do that? Really? Death isn't your only option. I'm just trying to help." I say, slighty stern, but not too loud, because judging by the way he was shaking, he had severe anxiety. He then started to cry. "Well, it feels like it is! Just-just let me jump." He says, wiping his tears. "Why would I? Here, I'll make a deal. You give me 30 days, if I don't convince you that your life is worth living within these 30 days, you can jump, and I won't stop you, deal?" I say holding out my hand. He forced a laugh. "It will be a wasted 30 days, I'm really fucked up, but sure." He says, shaking my hand. "Do you maybe want to come with me? I can get you cleaned up." I offer. "Sure." He says, holding my hand, I blushed a little, but held his hand nonetheless. I cleaned him up a bit, gave him bandages for the cuts on his wrists and thighs, he was wearing one of my hoodies, and he took a shower so you could see that he was a little tan, and had light freckles all over his face, he looked adorable. "So, what's your name?" He asks while rocking his feet on the couch, "Logan, you?" I ask back. "Virgil." He smiled softly. "You can sleep in the guest room, if you'd like." I offer. He nods in response.

Day 1:

°Virgil P.O.V.°

I woke up in a bed with dark blue sheets, and light blue pillows. I started to panic because I wasn't aware of my surroundings. I heard someone coming and hid immediately. "Hey, Virge, do you maybe want to get ice-cream?" Suddenly I felt the events of last night come rushing through my head, I looked down my-or Logans shirt, and sighed in relief, just to make sure I still had my binder on. I slowly got up from the covers. "Are you okay, you have tear stains on your face." I looked at him, then touched my face. "I'm fine, just a bit startled, I forgot I slept here." I say, shaking a bit, it didn't take long for me to go back to panicking. "May I touch you in a non-sexual sense? You don't need to say anything, just nod/shake your head." He asked slowly, I shakily nodded. He wrapped his arms around me in a loose hug. We sat like that for a bit. He eventually let go, and got up. "Are you feeling better?" He asks. "Yeah....I don't know why I even did that, sorry...." I looked at anywhere but him. "Hey, you don't need to feel bad for something out of your control, it just isn't fair to yourself." He says, looking into my eyes. "Th-thanks." I say, looking up at him. "So, you wanna go get that ice-cream?" I say in a nervous laughter. "Sure." He grabbed my hand and we went out to his car.

While he was driving, I felt his hand on mine. I blushed, but he seemed too into the road to even know what he was doing, and I didn't want to distract him by pulling away. My anxiety started to kick in as we pulled into the ice-cream shop. He looked back at me, then at his hand, wich was holding mine tightly. "My apologies, Virgil, I didn't realize I did that. I tend to do things subconsciously when driving." He said in a monotone voice. "I-it's f-fine." I say, mentally cursing myself for my stutter. "Are you okay?" He asks. "N-no.....I-i usually d-don't go places....I-i get a-anxiety very easily." I say, still embarrassed by my stutter. "Well, we can go back, if needed, I can buy ice-cream at Walmart." He says reassuringly. "N-no, I just need to get used to doing stuff like this. If anything, it's helpful." I looked at the crowd waiting for ice-cream, there were probably only about 20 people, but in my anxious head, it was a million.

"Are you sure? We could use the drive-thru." He says, smiling softly. 'I wonder what it would be like to kiss him...wait, what am I thinking!? I don't need another guy to treat me like shit.' I thought to myself. "S-sure..." I say, pulling my shirt slightly. I guess the plan was working, I don't want to die because I hate myself anymore, I want to die because I hate that I like him. I want nothing more than to kiss him, and hold his hand. Yeah, I think I'm in love. We went to the drive-thru, and got ice-cream. "You have a little on your face." He observes. I try to lick it, but it doesn't work. He grabs a napkin, and wipes it off for me. "Th-thanks..." I say, in an attempt to hide the obvious blush on my face.

We finished our ice-cream and went back to the house. We got there, and went to sleep. And I was left to dream about him.