Dear Diary,

January 18, 1918

Dear Diary,

I did something I shouldn't have. It was stupid, and so unlike me. I'm supposed to be strong and unbreakable but last night I reached my breaking point and did it.

It was nearing midnight and Granny was fast asleep. The house was in total silence and as I laid in my dark room I was forced to hear my thoughts.

They were of Ed, mostly. From his sudden confession last New Years to the blissful times we spent together in the days and months following.

He had told me that until they got their bodies back he couldn't put much time into their relationship, and I understood. But he did as much as he could. When he was away he called more often, a couple times a week, and wrote too. We had always written to each other but his letters were longer and more frequent. I pulled two out of the box filled with letters and read them last night.

In Edward's sloppy handwriting he wrote the first letter as:

March 1st, 1917

Winry,

I miss you. It's only been a month since I visited but it feels a lot longer than that. I had a good time though. I keep thinking about how great it felt to sleep with you in the same bed. Holding you while you were sleeping was the best feeling in the world. Did you know you snore in your sleep? It was so cute. You sounded like a baby pig. And no I'm NOT calling you fat so don't go getting the wrong idea. Even though you are getting kinda chubby... Haha! Just kidding! Please don't kill me. Or ALMOST kill me, because apparently there's a "difference". Anyways, we're back in Liore now and it's just as boring as it was last time, and the time before that, and the time before that... Oh yeah, and this new arm is great! I can't believe you actually found a way to make it Alchemy friendly. Actually I can since you are the best mechanic there is! I'm going to bring you something back next week so if there's anything in particular you want let me know or I'll just get a book on the history of the city!

I love you so much Winry. Stay safe. Please. - Edward

After I read that one I was already crying. For a second I got lost in it and almost believed that I was reading it for the first time, him still alive in Fiore and me waiting for him to come visit me next week. But what really broke me was the second one, the last letter he'd ever sent me:

July 8th, 1917

Winry...

I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible boyfriend. I can't ever come see you and I know you hate it. I can hear it in your voice whenever I tell you I can't come. I hate making you upset. I don't want it to be like this. All I want is for you to be happy. Before you go jumping to any conclusions, I'm not breaking up with you. I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and I wasn't lying. But before we can do that I need you to wait for me, Winry. Please, WAIT for me.

Don't give up on me, I love you so much. - Edward

I couldn't take it. Every word of his letter echoed in my head. We promised each other that we would spend the rest of our lives together. So I tried to keep my promise last night by taking my life to be with him again...

I had drank two bottles of Granny's red wine straight from the bottle and took a bath. I was drunk by the time I got in the tub, enough to just let myself slip down underneath the surface and fall asleep. I was almost there, I could feel it. But before the icy darkness consumed me something warm woke me up. It felt like arms pulling me out of the water but when I woke up, completely sober and alert, no one was there.

I was too frightened by the fact that I actually felt death to try to do it again. It was cold and dark, not like the way it's portrayed in books where you see "the light" and pass through the other side. No. Death... Death was something completely different. I don't think there is another side, and that's even worse than hell.