Coffee and Christmas (Jalex)

A Really, Really Bad Idea

A thin layer of snow is already coating the city of Baltimore as the different shops and homes and buildings set up their lights for Christmas.

The air is cold, but metaphorically warm with the spirit of the holidays. It's dark now, and many decorated storefronts are preparing to close down for the night, but two men sit in a Starbucks, drinking coffee despite the late hour, discussing terrible a idea.

"I need you to pretend to be my fiancé."

A sentence no one really expects to hear at odd hours of the night, especially coming from their best friend.

Alex stares blankly at Jack for a moment, shocked only by Jack's sudden outburst. As the words register in his mind, Alex's expression changes quickly from shock to apathy. He raises one eyebrow, thoroughly unimpressed.

"You need me to do what, now?"

Waving his hands around frantically as he speaks, Jack begins to explain, though somehow he doesn't seem to know the details of his own plan.
"My parents asked me to bring the girl I'm seeing to Christmas this year," Jack explains sheepishly.
"But you're not seeing anyone." Alex takes a sip of his coffee, not breaking eye contact with Jack as he does so.

Jack cringes, defeated. Though somehow, he's still not done talking. "I maybe, sorta, kind of didn't tell them I broke up with Holly."
Holly? It feels like a lifetime ago since her name has even been mentioned.
Jack had told her he was bisexual, and she took off running. She then accused him of cheating multiple times. Alex's at-the-time-girlfriend almost started a fist fight with her in the middle of a restaurant once.

"You broke up with her three years ago." Thank god.
"Yeah..."

Why is Alex friends with Jack again?

Oh right. 'The Band.'

"So your parents think you've been dating Holly for three years?"
"Yeah but, I kinda sorta maybe didn't tell them her name. Or her gender. Or show them what she looked like."

At this point, Alex is utterly bewildered by the idea that Jack's parents haven't caught on to the fact that Jack isn't dating anyone. "You're an idiot," Alex says flatly.
"I know!" Jack agrees. "But I told them I'd bring my fiancé"
"And not just someone you're dating?" Alex confirms. "Like a boyfriend or a girlfriend?"
"I panicked!"
"Obviously."

Alex crosses his arms as he glares judgingly at his friend. None of this is adding up. The little bit that does make sense is honestly just sad on Jack's part. Alex almost feels bad for the guy.
Almost.

"Why me then?" He asks, instead of helping Jack scheme. "Your parents know me."

The two men grew up together. They've been inseparable since middle school. There's no way Jack's parents are going to believe their son, and their son's best friend—who they basically treat like their extra, token white boy son—is marrying into their family.

Jack scratches the back of his neck, "Because they thought three years was too soon to commit to marriage."
"And?"
"I told them I was friends with them first."
"And?"
"I thought it'd be funny to prank my parents by bringing a guy home, since their such assholes about me being bi and all. I thought maybe you'd want in on it."
"Zack said no, huh?"
"Yeah."

"Well I have to agree with him," Alex announces after a beat of silence. He leans forward with his elbows on the table, like an animal with no manners. "You're insane. I'm not doing it."

"Wait, Lex, please! Okay, hear me out! I'm desperate at this point! I'll buy you coffee for a month, okay?"
"No."

Jack sighs. Then he sees the mistletoe on the center piece and gets a bright idea.

"What about a bet?"
"A bet?"

Alex is Not Impressed.

"If I can get the barista to kiss me under this mistletoe-" Jack holds up the mistletoe he's taken off of the centerpiece of the table, "-you have to come with me to my parents' vacation home for Christmas."

"And if you don't?"
"Any revenge of your choice."

Alex huffs. "I'll think of something later," he mutters. He waves Jack off, and Jack struts over to the barista, mistletoe in hand.

The two talk for a moment, then laugh briefly before kissing under the mistletoe Jack holds over their heads.

Bewildered, Alex gapes at Jack as he returns to the table, a bit of smudged lipstick still clearly visible on his face.

"How the fuck did you manage that?" Alex exclaims. His expression is a mix of anger and utter confusion.
"A barista is just a coffee bar tender, and I am great with bar tenders."
Alex frowns. "Did you pay her?"
"I did not pay her. I did probably make her entire life, though. And I left a tip, but that besides the point."

Alex can't help but glare at his friend, but he's a man of his word. "You still have to buy me coffee for a month."
Jack gapes at him for a moment. "You said no! And you lost the bet."
"Too fucking bad. And you have to pay for the plane tickets."
"Christ, Alex-"
"I could be heading to Hawaii instead of some cold lake house in-" it suddenly occurs to Alex he actually has no idea where this lake house is. "Where exactly is your family lake house thing?"
"Big Bear."
"Big Bear?"

Nah man. Big Bear? Some mountain in California? That's a fucking six hour flight!

"All the places in the world to go for Christmas every year and your parents choose Big Bear?"
Jack shrugs. "We've been going since I was a kid."
Okay, now it makes a little more sense. "You owe me so much coffee."
"Whatever. Flight leaves Friday at two. I already bought the rings I'll inevitably return."

Alex squints at his soon to be ex best friend. "You bought rings?"
Jack nods. "We need this to be believable until New Years."
"New Years!?"

It's barely December 9th! Friday is two days away, meaning they'll show up on the 11th, and stay all through Alex's birthday and Christmas and New Years?
That's probably three weeks on  the other side of the country.

"Jack I have family too," Alex complains. "I can't just dip for three weeks."
"Four weeks."
"Four weeks?? Jack that's worse!"
"Your family always goes to Essex for the holidays, and you never go with them."

Alex scoffs. "You asked me because I have nothing better to do?"
"I asked you because you're my best friend and I'd rather you be there with me when my parents get shitty than anyone else."

Alex freezes, all anger leaving him within seconds. He lets out a sigh.

"You're lucky I love you."
"Aw, love you too bestie."

Alex raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

He sighs and grabs what's left of his drink as he pulls his keys out of his pocket. "It's getting late," Alex mutters. "I'm gonna head home. You got a ride?"

One thing that's never made sense about Jack is that he always takes an Uber everywhere. Just fucking drive like a normal adult human you psychopath.

"I'm gonna stay a while longer. Drive safe."
Alex waves as he exits the coffee shop and heads to his car.

He has no idea what he's gotten himself into, but he knows he's probably going to regret this for a very, very long time.

I tried to publish this last night but wattpad said No