Diary of a girl in love.

After and Sorry

Pretending to listen to Ben, Jessica lay on his bed in his dorm losing concentration over the memory of a kiss. Not just a kiss but one that was memorable and from a bad boy. It did annoy her that after a long make-out session Jack left her with just good night and the present day had ebbed to dusk yet Jack was nowhere close even by a text message. This unnerved her and took her mind to feelings of being played by the bad boy. For the umpteenth time in a minute, she looked at her phone with a frown on her face.
Ben noticed, "Jessica are you with me at all!"
"Sorry, Ben I think it's just something I discussed with my mum" she replied.
Ben sighed, "problem at home, wanna talk about it?"
"No, I should probably just go," she said standing up to leave
"Let me walk you then" he offered
"No", she replied, I want to be alone with my thoughts for a bet.
Jessica strolled about aimlessly hoping to randomly spot Jack. What am I even thinking? She scolded herself.
She thought about returning to her room to study, but then she remembered that she had skipped school because she was giddy and it was raining. This gave her one more reason to feel stupid. She put on her ear pods turned on some music and slowly took her time to observe the world around her, something she'd most likely tell her diary about.
Tired of silently hoping to spot Jack or get a call from him, she walked into her dorm room that evening, had a shower, dimmed the lights and did what she knew best.

Dear diary,
Today's been a beautiful day, I enjoyed its highs and lows. It was coloured in a myriad of characters I observed. I let myself be drawn in and I felt lonely a bit. This strange place does things to me but isn't growing up about dealing with things.
I took a bold step that turned out dumb. I let myself make out with a stranger. I let go of the memories that Ace planted. It felt free and wild and I did it because I never do anything free and wild. I'm not falling just because of a dumb kiss, he's not totally...
It's barely 24 hours since we met and I feel just somewhat betrayed. It's not me overthinking. I just thought there'd be more to us than this. Not more like more but at least some sort of respect would come out of this. I'm done, I'm sticking to Ben as my BFF in college. Jack can go, I won't pursue it even if it's just to feel something more than the usual butterflies. I don't even know how exactly I'd react especially since Ace but it won't be pretty and I need the first guy I'd open up to, to be someone worth it.
With that closed her journal, returned it to its shelf and gave way to the dreams.
Waking up and realizing it's the weekend, Jessica decided to visit the library but life had other plans. There was a knock on the door, Jessica was not expecting anyone, hence she thought it was her neighbour. Opening the door she saw Jack on the other end and froze. Hey beautiful, then she slammed the door in his face. He knocked again, she opened halfway to tell him to fuck off, and she huffed thinking the day had gone awful.
On stepping out she saw Jack sitting on the floor by the door. Knowing she'd regret it she looked at him,
"Come inside"
"Thanks", he grunted
Closing the door he turned and began, I don't understand why you shut me out?"
"Shut you out? Really, I shut you out. In fact, nothing happened between us, it was a dumb kiss and it would never happen again!" She said stamping her feet on the ground.
"What did I do Jess?", he asked confused
" How about just proving you're a player?" She eyed him
"I came here because you make me feel happy, and you're in a mood. I had a really tough day yesterday, my dad was rushed to the hospital and I travelled home to make sure I don't probably miss his last words. Sorry, if that's my fault".
With that, he stormed out angry leaving Jessica with her mouth open.