The Middle Child

Chapter 3

Sasha

“Probably the king of overthinkin’, avoiding pitfalls, but it’s always opportunites I’m missing, Man I’m scared to make a bad decision, cause you live with ‘em, they eat your food, then leave you with the dishes, man we quick to talk, we ain’t fast to listen, Jesus walked but he sat with sinners, So if you lost ask for a visit, We bring our need and then he bring forgiveness, to give yourself away, that’s the highest form of livin.”-Andy Mineo

Junior finally came outside and unlocked the door so I could get in. Once we were both in the car, he started it up and pulled off, “You know mama mad at you for ignoring her right?” he asked nonchalantly as he kept his eyes on the road. He reached over and turned the radio on, but turning it down low so he could hear me talk. The sounds of Anderson.Paak’s Trippy began to fill the air.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged, “Hmmm one moment compared to my whole life,” I said as I swayed my hands up and down like it was a balance scale, “She’ll be fine, she’ll probably forget about it before the morning is over,” I said more so to myself than him, but he heard me anyway.

He shook his head, “You know how you gave me good advice this morning? Well now let me give some to you. Now I know it seems like I’m in my own world, focused on my own problems, but I know more than you think. I have to be your annoying older brother, that’s my job, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, of course I do, you’re my little sister. So, don’t think that I don’t care or that I don’t see you. I know you feel like you’re forgotten, or that nobody loves you or cares about you, and let me just say, that’s not true. I’m sorry I haven’t been a better brother to you, you know it’s kinda hard to be there for someone else when I can’t even be there for myself,” he said the last part a little hostilely, “but that’s still no excuse. Our family is very close and despite how things may seem they do in fact love you. I know how you feel more than you know. You think being the forgotten child is bad, no what’s bad is being the only boy in a family full of girls. Dad has taken me under his wing, trying to train me to be the next him, and nothing else seems to matter to him but that. Hell, I would LOVE to be in your shoes. You get to be yourself, uninterrupted. I have to sneak and do what I love to do and hope to the high heavens no one finds out,” he reminded me, making me really think.

Damn.

I guess I was so self-absorbed in my feelings and my struggles, that I never even considered how he must be feeling, I just assumed everything was fine and cool because at least he was getting attention and affection from our parents.

Everything that glitters, really ain’t gold.

“It’s like you said, who I really am I is buried under a lot of layers that I’ve added for others. But hey, I’m not complaining, I’ll be 18 soon and then I won’t have to worry about it as much since I’ll be going off to college after I graduate. I know it’s hard, you know, being the middle child, especially when you have someone like Brooklyn for an older sister and Blue as the baby, and then add Four to the mix who’s going to make her presence known no matter what, with all those personalities it gets pretty easy to fall through the cracks. But I admire you, you keep your head held high, and you don’t take no shit. I know it gets to you, but don’t let that affect who you are, or make you feel like you’re not worthy to be apart of our family. I know mom and dad don’t show it as much as they do with the others, but they do really love you. What parent doesn’t love their child? I think you just gotta open up more, you know? Talk to them more, show them who you are. Demand their attention,” he advised.

I scrunched my face, “I shouldn’t have to demand their attention, they’re supposed to show love and affection to their children equally. I know they love me; I’m not vying for their love; I just want to be acknowledged sometimes. But I’m naturally not the type of person who wants to be in the forefront, I prefer to be in background because I don’t like any extra attention on me-,”