Into Darkness

Chapter 16

It was here again, that familiar feeling in his chest.  That large organ that seemed more and more to try to rise up and explode out of him.  That lump that seemed to like to form in his throat and the dryness where ehe didn’t know if he would be able to talk.  His head playing to a drum beat that felt like it belonged in some kind of death metal song.

He recognized the symptoms.  As the world lost focus around him, he closed his eyes.  Oh yes, he recognized the panic that was trying to over take him.  These attacks had grown more common.  At first from surviving the meth lab explosion that had pushed him from being a Chicago beat cop, and then from surviving that incident last year, these attacks had become common.

The world was spinning around him, he felt like it was all slipping away.  Maybe it was, maybe he was fainting.  So far, it had never gone that far, but there was always that first time.  Somewhere in the background he still heard Robin’s voice.  It seemed so far away.

“Rob!  Rob!” She was screaming out to him.  Was he in the dream again?  Many times when he was back there in his own nightmares, he swore he could hear her calling out to him.  It was more torture as he tried to find her through he flames.

“Rob” she still cried out to him.  He heard somewhere, it sounded like it was in another room, a kachunk as something heavy felt to the floor, and her voice was now muffled.

You dropped your phone.  Rob, come on man, pull yourself together.  Come on, you dropped your phone, and you were talking to Robyn.  She’s not somewhere far off, well she is, but it is her on the phone.  Come on man, pull yourself out of it and breathe.  Come on.  

He felt himself moving against the tide.  The thick water inside of his mind cleared a little and the light from the street light over head caught him in the eye as it tried to flutter open.  He had started to faint, damn what was coming over him.  

He pulled in a deep breath, having to fight against the pressure of what felt like a massive weight pushing against him.  It sent stars through his vision and his head that the tried to keep up swayed back and forth on his shoulders.

“Robyn?” He said, his tongue felt thick and his speech slurred.

“Rob!” 

“Hey hun, I’ll call you back.”

“Are you okay?” Her voice was still so far off.  He knew he must have hit speaker phone before he had dropped the phone.  It must be under the seat.  At least she could still understand what he was saying.

“I have to call county.  I need to get more officers out here looking for these kids, looking for Ja-“ He couldn’t finish it.  He couldn’t say Jake’s name.  Not yet, it was too soon to list him amongst the missing.  He wasn’t going to say that yet, because even just starting to say it caused the tidal wave threaten to wash over him again.  “I’ll call you right back.”

“Ok.” Her voice subdued.  He didn’t have to see her to know that she was sitting at their kitchen table, and that the tears were streaming down her cheeks.  Her could hear it, and knew.  

Then he heard the beeps of the phone and knew she had disconnected on her end.  He tried to focus on that.  To swim in his mind towards that sound of he heard that tone.  

He leaned over and reached below the seat, feeling around through that little gap between the seats.  His head wanted to loll to his side, and he was sure if he had the strength to straighten.  He kept fighting against it.  His fingers seemed to scratch against something sharp and then pinched on something.  The pain was minimal, but helped to pull him farther toward the surface.