Falling

36th

  “Why?” my voice trembled.

That’s the only word I uttered as I saw Mama. She looked at me with gentle eyes. It made my heart ache more.

“Ask yourself that so you can understand more.” She smiled sadly.

“Why?” I asked again.

“I understand your pain but you need to face the situation. I understand that deep within you, you always love acting, the same as writing and creating music.” She said as she held both of my hands. Mabilis kong nilayo ang sarili sa kaniya.

I grimaced and sighed. She will never understand me because I’m the only one who can understand myself. Simple, she’s not me. Kaya ‘pag may nagsasabing may nakakaintindi sa kanila, I am the first one to disagree. The world will never understand your pain. In terms of happiness, I can agree that everyone can relate on the same level. But the feel of hurt? Always varies, different depths, will never be the same. The pain that your feeling…  sets you apart from others.

“Take back what you said.” Sabi ko sabay talikod paalis.

She doesn’t mind my question. “Won’t you stay just for a while?” Her voice croaked.

With heaviness, I bit my lip and continued to walk. I am not meant to stay somewhere I’m not understood.
I love my mother. She will always be the best mom in the world. But this is my life, she can support or hate me. In the end, I am the one to choose what path I’m going to take.

Niyakap ko ang unan dito sa kwarto, nakatulala pa rin. Mabilis kaming umalis sa mansyon kanina.  Hays, hanggang ngayon ay nasa isip ko pa rin ang pangyayari. Niyakap kong muli ang unan ng mahigpit. I feel dreadful. Mabuti na lang at kalaunan may tumawag sa akin ang isa pang kuya.

“How’s my baby?”

“I’m good.” Buntong-hininga ko.

“How are you, Kuya Astron?” tanong ko naman.

He sighed. “Should I visit you?”

“I’m asking, how are you?” pag-iiba kong muli sa usapan.

“You’re so stubborn. I am well, still your macho kuya.” He chuckled on the line.

I rolled my eyes at natawa rin sa kayabangan niya.

“I bet you just rolled your eyes on me.” Dagdag pa ni Kuya.

“Ayos na ako, thank you!”

“Alrght-”

“Well, where’s my answer to my question?” putol ko sa sasabihin niya.

“Bye.” He dropped the call without answering what I have asked.

Bakit ba ganun ang mga kuya ko?

Ibababa o na ang phone nang tumawag naman si Falcon. Bakit kaya? Bibigyan baa ko uit nito ng pagkain?

“Yow.” I greeted.

“Hello, I’m outside your house.” He started.

“What? Why?” Napabangon ako sa pagkakahiga.

“May dala akong apple.”

What the… my jaw dropped.

“What’s with apple?”

“I just want to congratulate you with your upcoming movie project.”

Napangiwi ako. “You’re so cheap.”
Natahimik siya. I want to take back what I’ve said. That movie project is pissing me off.

“I’m sorry. Ayoko na ng apple.” I whisphered.

“How about chocolate?” he persisted.

“Ayoko.” I closed my eyes.

“Then what do you want? May beef pa sa bahay, I can cook for you,” he said.

Lalong uminit ang dugo ko.

“I want you to stop treating me like a charity case and please, stop calling me. We’re not close.”

“Oh-okay, I’m sorry if I bothered you that much. Good bye.” Siya na mismo ang nagpatay ng tawag.