In the Absence of Light

13

Guess who turned 23 on the weekend!!!! I'm so close to 25 now, i can feel it creeping up on me 👀 also yeah, ya girls a sagittarius. are you surprised? 😂

Hope you're all doing okay ❤️❤️❤️

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Ivys POV

I feel sick.

I don't want to be here.

I never should've left the house today. I never should've listened to Mel.

I can't believe I thought this might be good for me. It's the opposite of good. It's making everything worse. Even the frat boys are here. I just want to go home. I should've left ages ago, but Mel took my phone so I can't call an Uber and there's no way I'm walking home in the dark.

This band isn't helping either. They're so loud and angry. Maybe it's just the audio in this bar, but the music seems to be a lot louder than the vocals. Isaac is just singing normally. Well, mostly. He screams sometimes, but his voice is relatively gentle compared to the violence of the beat.

The crowd seems to love it, though. They're all thrashing around, pumping their fists to the thumping tune. They're loving it. It's just too heavy for me.

Everyone in the band is sweating. The drummer is drenched, and the bassist keeps jumping up and down and banging his head just like the crowd is. Isaacs doesn't move around as much, but he's busy spitting all his anger into the microphone.

I can't tell what sounds more violent—the instrumentals or the lyrics. The former isn't my style of music, but it's the lyrics that are bothering me most. They're not just angry, they're upset. They're filled with hurt, and it's a type of hurt that I recognise.

It's making everything worse.

I can relate to these lyrics far too much. It's like he took a page out of my brain and is singing it aloud. I hate it.

Am I the chains that keep you at bay, or am I the dirt beneath your feet while I trip over your misery?

I always wonder how those frat boys can go about their days without sparing me a single thought. They're completely unbothered by what they did. I constantly have to remind myself that I was nothing to them. To them, I'm a feather, not affecting their lives in any way. But to me, they're an anchor, weighing me down to the seabed.

How can you breathe when you're so fucking weak?

How can you function when you're only goal is destruction?

I ask myself these kinds of questions all the time. How can those boys keep living their lives even they're so cruel? They have no human decency, whatsoever. They shouldn't be allowed to exist.

And then there's me, weak and pathetic and unable to stand up for myself. I couldn't keep myself safe when they attacked me, and I can't keep myself safe now.

But that's not even the worst lyric. This is.

You saw her as a body,

a brainless zombie,

my mother,

the one you pushed under,

you motherfucking hunter.

You left us in the gutter.

What the hell is that about? The first two lines could be applied to anyone. Men are always sexualising women, shrinking them down to nothing but bodies. But the last two... that's personal. He's singing to his mother, accusing someone else of taking advantage of her.