Becoming First Lead

xi laying down cards

ALEX POV

I knew it was now or never. She's given me enough to know that she has mutual feelings and I don't want this to become a series of misunderstandings. This is not going to be one of those long drawn out love stories because one or both people were too afraid to go for it .

When Nik described her ideal type , I knew . She was talking about me. The look in her eyes, the labored breathing, the dilation of her pupils. She was staring into my soul .

"Nicole," I say to her. I never say her full name . I hardly even say Nikki . I'm the only one who's had the privilege of calling out to her with Nik . So naturally she was taken aback when I said her name.

She declined the phone call from Austin and that was more than a greenlight for me , "you're my ideal type."

"Me? But -" she starts .

"No buts, I didn't realize it right away but I did when you moved out . Stephanie made me see what I couldn't admit to how I truly felt for you," I admit to her.

"She knew?"

I nod , "I was surprised too."

"I'm nobody," she looks down at her feet.

"You're not nobody, you're somebody. Somebody incredibly important to me and apparently you're somebody to Austin. He is afterall the elusive golden boy ," I couldn't help but say it .

She shakes her head , "Austin is human . He doesn't even see himself that way. He's no more special than anyone else , especially you." My heart beat double at that.

"Regardless if you want to see it or not , you're very special," I try to convince her. "At least to me you are."

She sighs , "Alex....." she gives me this look that speaks volumes. She wants this as much as I want it . But she's holding back.

I play with her hands intertwining our fingers "what is it ?"

"Why me?" She asks.

"Because you're everything I never knew I needed," I tell her. Which is the truth. I didn't think that this woman in front of me would turn out to be the woman for me . I feel it .

"I don't know if I can commit. I was broken and I dont know if I'd be a good partner," she begins to ramble, "Aria thought, maybe if they introduce me to Austin , then I could use him as a stepping stone. To get me to shed the nerves of the prospect of dating."

"Oh," I say to her even though I really wanted to tell her to use me as that stepping stone .

She gives me a glance up through her thick lashes , I can see she wants to say more with the way her mouth opened but shut quickly.

"You can't fall in love with him ," I demand as the thought of her heart belonging to someone else overtakes me with anxiety, "you can't fall in love with anyone else. I'll be patient if that's what you need."

She glances up at me and then back down to our hands ."I don't want to ruin anything we have," she sighs .

"Then let's not confuse things any further," I say. I know I just said I'd be patient, but forget that.  I know what I want and I really don't want it slipping through my fingers, "don't go out with Austin anymore. Let's go slowly , at your pace. Let me be those milestones in your life . Big or small, I want to be it." There I laid all my cards on the table .