Becoming First Lead

vii the kiss

ALEX POV

As soon as she asked to meet up I didn't think twice about it . I knew that we needed to discuss this, for the sake of our friendship. Since she was literally around the corner, I decided a nice brisk jog would suffice. I got there in 10 minutes.

"Hey," she says to me as she opens the door, "thanks for coming over."

"No problem, how was your..." I hate this , "date?"

The smile she gave as she recalled her day hurt. I knew he would be a good guy and her reaction verified it. Austin was one of those men that people wanted to work with, be friends with and most of all, all the women wanted to date. He wasn't a player and he didn't have a long line of women who got a piece of him. He , is the golden standard. The most desired bachelor . I've heard other women fawn over him but he wasn't a flirt . He let people know up front what he was about and the fact that he went out with Nikki made me feel a pang of jealousy.

"It was wonderful. We went hiking and then drove a little ways away to this restaurant that was tucked into the mountain," she paused , "but that's not what I called you over for. We need to discuss what happened last night. Do you remember?"

I blink , should I be honest or do I lie to save our relationship? But then I remembered how much secrets hurt . So I did only what I knew was fair, "yes. I may have been drinking a lot but I do remember the end of the night."

Her breath became a little shaky at my admission , "Alex.. it's wrong . You have a girlfriend. I was wrong for letting it linger . Stephanie needs to know."

"I'm aware of the implications of last night and I agree about Stephanie. I'm sorry I put you in that situation. I don't want things to be weird between us," I say.

She began to play with the hem of her shirt nervously, "do you have feelings for me?"

Do I have feelings for her? Yes, more than I realized. But, unlike the last time when I let something potentionally amazing slip through my fingers, I decided to acknowledge them , "yes."

"This is wrong. Alex, you're with Stephanie and she's my bestfriend," she starts saying . "She doesn't deserve this. When did you realize..."

"Recently," I answer before she could finish asking.

She gave me a look that I couldn't make out. Was it disappointment? Was it pain? "Alex, it's because of the changes. I know you were used to having me around and then I decided to move out," she tried to rationalize my sudden change in behavior. "I want to say we should forget that it happened, but knowing how it feels to be deceived, I can't let it slide. We need to tell Stephanie."

"And we will," I said.

"This was just a slip up and it can't ever happen again," she says sternly . "Both you and Steph are my bestfriends and I can't imagine having that ruined. Both of you have been my pillars of support, please don't change that," she begs.

There's a searing pain of disappointment that cuts me deeply. Had I been so foolish these last few months? Was I really blinded at my real feelings for this woman? I always knew she was different, special even. How did I not realize it sooner. Of course I could blame her for it. She did subtly push me and Stephanie together. But I can't. I went along with the arrangement and agreed to the relationship that Stephanie laid out .