Chapter 4 - "overthinking things"

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{jj's POV}

She ran out on me. I couldn't stop her. I didn't want to stop her. I should have just said nothing. I hate that I brought it up. Why did I push her? I didn't have to get an answer. I never will. I bet she hates me. Why did I have to be so stupid? I sat on the bed with my head hurried in my hands. I felt my cheeks burning, a lump in my throat. My eyes filling up.

I got up and walked towards the door. I opened it stood on the porch and screamed. It turned into a muffled sob. I felt an ache growing in my chest, where my heart is. My whole body shaking. I felt my heart break with every sob. I kept replaying the moment, the look on her face. The hurt. The pain. The pain I felt to see her like that. I couldn't take it. I just collapsed onto the porch. My hands covering my face. A memory of John b flicked in my head. When we got into a fight and I ran off. Then that flashed in my mind. When I left. I remember kie's face. Full of anger and sadness. I couldn't find the words to say to any of them so I left, they stood there watching me leave.

Her words keep repeating in my head on a loop. It won't stop. I can't let her hate me. I don't want her to hate me. I love her. I love her. I LOVE KIE. I actually LOVE her. I need to find her. I suddenly had a voice in my head saying get up. It was her voice. I need to find her and tell her. Right now.

I got up off the porch, wiping my eyes which were still streaming. I needed to know how she feels or at least just tell her how I feel. I have to tell her how I feel. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. I can't remember a time where she wasn't there to help me get through something. Like the night in the hot-tub. She helped me. She made me realise I was worth living. I realised I loved her. In that moment, when she pulled me in to hug me. Her arms around me, sobbing into her.
She held me.
I felt safe.
I felt love.
I knew. I loved her.
I always knew.







So this was kinda a vent chapter. Except the ending. I hope you all like this chapter. :)

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